This post has really made me stop and think - I totally agree that we need a better way to describe what we actually do on mat leave or as mums. I'm kind of straddling both worlds atm where I'm a SAHM but work on my coaching biz and Substack during my youngest's nap times, some evenings and when space allows on the weekend. When my youngest starts reception in 2 years, I'll look for extra part time work and all of the work I'm doing now on my biz I see as keeping my skills up to date until then. The reality is, the skills I've developed as a mum make me more empathetic, more focused when I do work, plus better time management and organisational skills - but these still feel like corporate skills. It's not about the tasks or skills really though is it, it's about the intangible things that we do as mums that are hard to describe. And how we feel about doing those.
Thank you Jenna. I wonder if there are many of us who kind if forget to mention all the work we actually do alongside the skills we are learning in the experience of caring for children. Even working alongside in the first place is a kind of discipline.
This is such an interesting topic and it really is a minefield! I used to get so irritated with the question "what do you do?" when I would meet new people whilst being a full-time mum. Grrrr! I felt like saying 'is bringing up a child/children not enough for you then, no?!' which of-course I didn't, but it was tempting! 🤣 I could never quite come up with a simple answer to this question without over explaining and quickly making them wish they'd never asked! 🙈😆
This was one of the reasons I enjoyed Substack, because for the first time I was surrounded by other mothers who were mothering AND working in their business/on their craft simultaneously. I finally felt like I fitted a little because there isn’t a ‘word’ that honours it all fully. Definitely not a break though!!! Not in the way I imagine a break anyway… felt broken at times yes!!! Xxx
You're right working part time and caring for small kids is more than a full time job. I usually say that I'm an independent occupational therapist and I care for my kids who can't access school. And leave the part time out of it!
I dislike saying SAHM too, so I usually say primary caregiver. So in your case you were… “freelancing in other industries while being the primary caregiver for my children” bit of a mouthful isn’t it? There’s no one quick phrase that doesn’t feel like it reveals something personal. Since women are labeled as mothers, we’ve been taught to not talk about our kids at work, so even revealing you spent a few years caring for them (and working) feels too personal to say. I’d do it anyway, but I see how others would feel like they’d be taken less seriously if they brought up their kids even in an abstract way.
That’s so true. I feel like I am giving my life story. And actually I have to bring them up almost straight away as I need to leave earlier than one usually would, and ideally work from home, and I do wonder if that affects how employable I am, but we will see. Thanks for reading, Katie.
Omg yes. I was self-employed too (until my daughter was 5) - me and my husband were just constantly swapping between childcare and who got to use the office. And I developed PPP so that was a gap year I wouldn’t redo whatever you paid me 😅
It’s too much isn’t it? I was lucky in that I was sort of working here and there I think if it was regular I would have burned out. Thanks for reading, Susannah.
This post has really made me stop and think - I totally agree that we need a better way to describe what we actually do on mat leave or as mums. I'm kind of straddling both worlds atm where I'm a SAHM but work on my coaching biz and Substack during my youngest's nap times, some evenings and when space allows on the weekend. When my youngest starts reception in 2 years, I'll look for extra part time work and all of the work I'm doing now on my biz I see as keeping my skills up to date until then. The reality is, the skills I've developed as a mum make me more empathetic, more focused when I do work, plus better time management and organisational skills - but these still feel like corporate skills. It's not about the tasks or skills really though is it, it's about the intangible things that we do as mums that are hard to describe. And how we feel about doing those.
Thank you Jenna. I wonder if there are many of us who kind if forget to mention all the work we actually do alongside the skills we are learning in the experience of caring for children. Even working alongside in the first place is a kind of discipline.
Thanks for reading, Jenna. ❤️
This is such an interesting topic and it really is a minefield! I used to get so irritated with the question "what do you do?" when I would meet new people whilst being a full-time mum. Grrrr! I felt like saying 'is bringing up a child/children not enough for you then, no?!' which of-course I didn't, but it was tempting! 🤣 I could never quite come up with a simple answer to this question without over explaining and quickly making them wish they'd never asked! 🙈😆
This was one of the reasons I enjoyed Substack, because for the first time I was surrounded by other mothers who were mothering AND working in their business/on their craft simultaneously. I finally felt like I fitted a little because there isn’t a ‘word’ that honours it all fully. Definitely not a break though!!! Not in the way I imagine a break anyway… felt broken at times yes!!! Xxx
Absolutely I am definitely finding that too ❤️ thanks Lauren.
You're right working part time and caring for small kids is more than a full time job. I usually say that I'm an independent occupational therapist and I care for my kids who can't access school. And leave the part time out of it!
Yes exactly. It just doesn’t do it justice.
Thanks, Faith.
I dislike saying SAHM too, so I usually say primary caregiver. So in your case you were… “freelancing in other industries while being the primary caregiver for my children” bit of a mouthful isn’t it? There’s no one quick phrase that doesn’t feel like it reveals something personal. Since women are labeled as mothers, we’ve been taught to not talk about our kids at work, so even revealing you spent a few years caring for them (and working) feels too personal to say. I’d do it anyway, but I see how others would feel like they’d be taken less seriously if they brought up their kids even in an abstract way.
That’s so true. I feel like I am giving my life story. And actually I have to bring them up almost straight away as I need to leave earlier than one usually would, and ideally work from home, and I do wonder if that affects how employable I am, but we will see. Thanks for reading, Katie.
Omg yes. I was self-employed too (until my daughter was 5) - me and my husband were just constantly swapping between childcare and who got to use the office. And I developed PPP so that was a gap year I wouldn’t redo whatever you paid me 😅
It’s too much isn’t it? I was lucky in that I was sort of working here and there I think if it was regular I would have burned out. Thanks for reading, Susannah.