I relate to this so much. I’m commenting with a profile photo from 2018 because I don’t have any new photos of myself that I love and I’ve been putting off taking new headshots because of the extra pounds, the extra wrinkles, the extra critical voice in my head. It’s a vicious cycle!
Thank you for reading Katie. Yes that is just it! It’s like we want our current selves to compete against our past selves and it’s not really fair. I say go for it!
Thanks for this piece and for sharing your honesty. My professional head shot was taken in 2011/2012 and the photo I use here was 2012/2013. 🤦🏻♀️ I’ve been on this journey of accepting my body and it’s changed and I think it’s an important one all mothers have to move through. It’s part of the transition that no one traditionally talks about or acknowledges.
I was reading that thinking that’s not too long ago! I mean time is passing quicker each year it still feels like 2015 or something to me! Maybe that’s part of my issue. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for writing this! I read it Saturday morning and it's been in my head since. I relate and resonate so much. I always suffered with low self-esteem and am very self-critical of my appearance due to bullying. But at 28, I felt like I was finally THERE. Accepting, feeling so comfortable in my body and loving what I saw in the mirror. Then the pandemic hit, then pregnancy, then postpartum, now I have a toddler. Years have gone by and I haven't been my own priority. So I expect that 28-year-old in the mirror, but I'm 33 this year. It's a total disconnect and my negative self-talk can get so bad. I scrutinise pictures of myself, like you mention, and I try to remember that EVERYONE is getting older. A way I have got round it is have my husband take pictures of me / my daughter and not look at them. Months later, I may see them and I look back on them with kinder eyes, instead of in the moment. He took so many of me newly postpartum and I remember the chant "fat, disgusting, gross, ugly, tired" - and now I look back on them and realise how precious, how special and how WONDERFUL I look.
I'm working on things at the moment and trying to draw from sources to help, and this newsletter couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you xx
Thank you, Ella. I love that idea of your husband taking photos and then seeing them months later. Those self-critical comments that mean dismissing a photo do often come in the moment and like you say we do really appreciate those pictures later on. Time moves so fast doesn’t it? And I think esp with children when they are small the evidence of it being so fleeting is so obvious to us later on but not in the moment. I wish I had more pictures post-partum and with the babies when they were small, but it is such a tricky time for us with hormones and body changes it’s no wonder we don’t feel photogenic. I’m terrible for ducking out of shot or demanding the photo is not taken in the first place.
As someone else commented: being kind to ourselves is so important.
I’m glad that this newsletter has come at a good time for you. It was one that was bumbling about in my head for ages before I actually wrote it so I am so glad I persevered with finding the time to do it and thank you so much for reading and sharing. ❤️
It's so hard to deal with the changes in your body post-kids and as you age with them. Especially when celebrity moms seem to bounce back to their old selves instantly. The lie of beauty standards is you don't know what insecurities all these "ideal" women have or how many hours of hair and makeup they needed or how many lighting changes they went through on a photoshoot. What I'm working hard at now, to get away from critical self-image, is focusing on health habits that make me feel better mentally and physically, ignoring how I look. Without a personal chef and trainer, I'm SOL, so I may as well try to focus on how I feel vs how I appear in my head.
I know when I feel bad about myself and how I look the first thing I’ll do is reach for the chocolate or whatever and so I think taking control of that would be really powerful, because it doesn’t make us feel better in the long run.
Yes this happens to me every few years - I need to catch up with how my external self looks! And this year I really feel like I need new headshots so I have professional current photos! It’s odd to grow older bc it always felt so distant bc I was obviously always young when I was…well, young! 😂 Thus far I don’t mind it, I purposely never dyed my grey hairs so that keeps coming little by little and I like that I don’t feel the need to hide it. I do feel the need to push myself to dress and dress up so I still feel attractive and that I care, but ageing doesn’t (yet?) feel like an obstacle from my current perspective in my late 40s. We’re all going to die eventually and the only available road is to get older on the way there. It’s an odd sensation the closer it gets, but an interesting one!
Great piece! The pro photos are so hard! My last shoot was a couple of years ago and I don’t use any of them - the filter was off and I just didn’t love what was looking back so I use more candid shots and my pro ones from 2019 which I know is FIVE whole years ago… kindness is key isn’t it. ✨💖✨
I do resonate with this because the version of myself I see in my head is still about 32 (I am 36). My body changed after having my 4 year old, and I honestly haven’t been all that bothered by that, but I also don’t spend a lot of time looking at it either. My profile picture is a family picture from Christmas, so I am at least not avoiding recent pictures even though I am not fond of the fact that my hair seems like I have more grays than I thought it did, despite highlighting it in January. I rarely wear makeup (I am an infant teacher, so I spend my days getting snot on me or spit up on), so I am still at the point where I do appreciate how far a 5 minute amount of effort can go there.
We are planning to get some spring photos done of our family so that we will have some professional level shots. I am sure that will be my profile photo for much of this year.
Oh that’s a lovely idea. I do think professional photos make a huge difference: getting the lighting right and capturing personality, it’s an investment I would like to make too. Thanks for reading.
Oh this is so good. This is the only social media I actively use and this picture is from the fall. But all other social media is old photos of me. It feels much harder to accept my post pregnancy and my mother body because of everything society tells us. In my own head, I’m still 22. But I am growing to love and recognize this version of myself in the mirror.
Oh Kylie-Ann: I resonate with this so strongly. And yes, I have absolutely felt this: the first time was when I was at uni and saw my bum in a mirror and it didn't look like my own. And now, I don't really recognise this enlarged version of myself, but I genuinely love her (though I want to get STRONG for 40). You write so well (and I love your branding). x
Thank you Laura that’s really kind of you to say. Ah yes well my bum is a different story although along the same tune! I think I’m the same I don’t wholly recognise myself but I do love her, too. It’s just getting to know her maybe again and accepting that the younger version is no longer around. ❤️
I relate to this so much. I’m commenting with a profile photo from 2018 because I don’t have any new photos of myself that I love and I’ve been putting off taking new headshots because of the extra pounds, the extra wrinkles, the extra critical voice in my head. It’s a vicious cycle!
Thank you for reading Katie. Yes that is just it! It’s like we want our current selves to compete against our past selves and it’s not really fair. I say go for it!
Thanks for this piece and for sharing your honesty. My professional head shot was taken in 2011/2012 and the photo I use here was 2012/2013. 🤦🏻♀️ I’ve been on this journey of accepting my body and it’s changed and I think it’s an important one all mothers have to move through. It’s part of the transition that no one traditionally talks about or acknowledges.
I was reading that thinking that’s not too long ago! I mean time is passing quicker each year it still feels like 2015 or something to me! Maybe that’s part of my issue. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for writing this! I read it Saturday morning and it's been in my head since. I relate and resonate so much. I always suffered with low self-esteem and am very self-critical of my appearance due to bullying. But at 28, I felt like I was finally THERE. Accepting, feeling so comfortable in my body and loving what I saw in the mirror. Then the pandemic hit, then pregnancy, then postpartum, now I have a toddler. Years have gone by and I haven't been my own priority. So I expect that 28-year-old in the mirror, but I'm 33 this year. It's a total disconnect and my negative self-talk can get so bad. I scrutinise pictures of myself, like you mention, and I try to remember that EVERYONE is getting older. A way I have got round it is have my husband take pictures of me / my daughter and not look at them. Months later, I may see them and I look back on them with kinder eyes, instead of in the moment. He took so many of me newly postpartum and I remember the chant "fat, disgusting, gross, ugly, tired" - and now I look back on them and realise how precious, how special and how WONDERFUL I look.
I'm working on things at the moment and trying to draw from sources to help, and this newsletter couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you xx
Thank you, Ella. I love that idea of your husband taking photos and then seeing them months later. Those self-critical comments that mean dismissing a photo do often come in the moment and like you say we do really appreciate those pictures later on. Time moves so fast doesn’t it? And I think esp with children when they are small the evidence of it being so fleeting is so obvious to us later on but not in the moment. I wish I had more pictures post-partum and with the babies when they were small, but it is such a tricky time for us with hormones and body changes it’s no wonder we don’t feel photogenic. I’m terrible for ducking out of shot or demanding the photo is not taken in the first place.
As someone else commented: being kind to ourselves is so important.
I’m glad that this newsletter has come at a good time for you. It was one that was bumbling about in my head for ages before I actually wrote it so I am so glad I persevered with finding the time to do it and thank you so much for reading and sharing. ❤️
It's so hard to deal with the changes in your body post-kids and as you age with them. Especially when celebrity moms seem to bounce back to their old selves instantly. The lie of beauty standards is you don't know what insecurities all these "ideal" women have or how many hours of hair and makeup they needed or how many lighting changes they went through on a photoshoot. What I'm working hard at now, to get away from critical self-image, is focusing on health habits that make me feel better mentally and physically, ignoring how I look. Without a personal chef and trainer, I'm SOL, so I may as well try to focus on how I feel vs how I appear in my head.
I love this Heather thank you for sharing.
I know when I feel bad about myself and how I look the first thing I’ll do is reach for the chocolate or whatever and so I think taking control of that would be really powerful, because it doesn’t make us feel better in the long run.
Yes this happens to me every few years - I need to catch up with how my external self looks! And this year I really feel like I need new headshots so I have professional current photos! It’s odd to grow older bc it always felt so distant bc I was obviously always young when I was…well, young! 😂 Thus far I don’t mind it, I purposely never dyed my grey hairs so that keeps coming little by little and I like that I don’t feel the need to hide it. I do feel the need to push myself to dress and dress up so I still feel attractive and that I care, but ageing doesn’t (yet?) feel like an obstacle from my current perspective in my late 40s. We’re all going to die eventually and the only available road is to get older on the way there. It’s an odd sensation the closer it gets, but an interesting one!
Yes it’s very true ageing is beautiful and a much nicer reality than the alternative. ❤️ thanks for reading!
Great piece! The pro photos are so hard! My last shoot was a couple of years ago and I don’t use any of them - the filter was off and I just didn’t love what was looking back so I use more candid shots and my pro ones from 2019 which I know is FIVE whole years ago… kindness is key isn’t it. ✨💖✨
Yes Claire I think that is so true, kindness to ourselves is so important. I also love a more candid shot. 🙌🏻❤️ thank you for reading!
I do resonate with this because the version of myself I see in my head is still about 32 (I am 36). My body changed after having my 4 year old, and I honestly haven’t been all that bothered by that, but I also don’t spend a lot of time looking at it either. My profile picture is a family picture from Christmas, so I am at least not avoiding recent pictures even though I am not fond of the fact that my hair seems like I have more grays than I thought it did, despite highlighting it in January. I rarely wear makeup (I am an infant teacher, so I spend my days getting snot on me or spit up on), so I am still at the point where I do appreciate how far a 5 minute amount of effort can go there.
We are planning to get some spring photos done of our family so that we will have some professional level shots. I am sure that will be my profile photo for much of this year.
Oh that’s a lovely idea. I do think professional photos make a huge difference: getting the lighting right and capturing personality, it’s an investment I would like to make too. Thanks for reading.
Oh this is so good. This is the only social media I actively use and this picture is from the fall. But all other social media is old photos of me. It feels much harder to accept my post pregnancy and my mother body because of everything society tells us. In my own head, I’m still 22. But I am growing to love and recognize this version of myself in the mirror.
Aw that’s lovely Emma I am with you on that. It’s a journey but I’m getting there. Thank you for sharing.
Beautiful read :) thank you so much for sharing my piece as well!
Thank you Madison, looking forward to reading more of your essays they are truly thought-provoking. 🙌🏻
Oh Kylie-Ann: I resonate with this so strongly. And yes, I have absolutely felt this: the first time was when I was at uni and saw my bum in a mirror and it didn't look like my own. And now, I don't really recognise this enlarged version of myself, but I genuinely love her (though I want to get STRONG for 40). You write so well (and I love your branding). x
Thank you Laura that’s really kind of you to say. Ah yes well my bum is a different story although along the same tune! I think I’m the same I don’t wholly recognise myself but I do love her, too. It’s just getting to know her maybe again and accepting that the younger version is no longer around. ❤️