Ohhh yes this resonates deeply. I now have three mornings when my two are at nursery together and I use the time to devote to writing and creative projects and it fills me up. I just wrote this last week about this and how I find a lot of discomfort in both the unseen and unpaid nature of both my mothering and my creative work but that I feel committed to building something that fulfils me, on my terms and that works as a mother of young children. And yesss to the alone-time, I have never needed it more, it is my decompression time and when my thoughts are clearest! It blew my mind the other day to think that it is so rare these days for me to go anywhere alone, compared with how I operated on a daily basis before having children! xx
This post so speaks to me. I wonder if it’s a creative thing. I am also self-employed so I have complete control over my schedule and all my work is creative. It is true for me that I absolutely need to have space in my life for me and my creative projects. Without them I can feel myself withering away and resentment grows. I’ll admit there is also a part of me that feels guilty that I need this, which I recognize is sad and ridiculous and all a symptom of cultural conditioning around patriarchal narratives. What I’ve found most challenging is existing in this in-between world where I’m not quite a SAHM (even though I work from home) but I also don’t have a “traditional” job so it’s hard for me to explain to others what I do and I feel judged for spending so much time in my creative projects. Especially for me, part of my work involves a lot or reading and reflecting and so I feel bad sitting around in my room reading and journaling and thinking and doing yoga even though it’s all part of the process for my work. Anyway, I think we need more normalizing of this idea that it’s okay to have time for yourself and your passions whether it’s work or not. Thanks for sharing!
This is so so true for me too! I struggled to breastfeed, it simply didn’t work, but sometimes i wonder if my body rejected the idea of it because it needed ‘space’ from the start. I never felt like I missed out - but my son would sleep on me in my sling and struggled to sleep without contact, so i felt like i was rarely able to find moments to rest.
I remember going back to work after maternity leave - it was post pandemic so I still worked from home, but i created the best possible work space and sitting there was such a happy place. I could see the trees outside the window, hear birds song, and as I chatted to colleagues on zoom, I remember feeling so excited, and relaxed and I was really having fun. Even on sleep deprived days, it’s was easier to sit and design that spend the day mothering. I’m back to full time freelance now thanks to help from my mother in law, and I love it. I feel lucky I can bring that positive energy back to parenting when he comes home and it’s so much more enjoyable.
For my husband it seems the opposite- he keeps saying he would rather be a stay at home parent than work - he’s honestly better at it than I am. If our household didn’t need two incomes I’d be fine with being the sole earner. I just expected that I would want to be the the stay at home parent, but I surprise myself that I actually prefer work.
On time away: my husband and i have started to plan solo weekends ‘off’ in advance. We only have one child, so it’s easier, but I know that i’ll have a few nights away doing whatever i want with friends in late summer, and he will get time away for himself and i’ll cover the childcare. Even if it’s only once or twice a year, it’s such a good recharge for us as a family.
Beautiful piece, Kylie-Ann. Thanks so much for talking about how going back to work actually feels like rest in so many ways. It amazes me how difficult caring for young children is. I had no idea the degree of emotional, physical, psychological effort that goes into every moment...makes writing up a report feel like a piece of cake in comparison!
I’m getting married in a month with my boyfriend and my biggest fear is this: I’ll not be able to have my alone times anymore. It’s highly important for me to be able to spend time by myself for a certain portion of the day for my sanity and I’m afraid how I’d be able to do that once I start living together with another person. This fear also limits me from family planning.
Reading out your thoughts on this and how you’ve been balancing out was like a fresh breeze to my stagnant worries. Thanks, Kylie! I hope I’m able to figure things out like you.
This makes perfect sense to me. When I first returned to work, going to the bathroom by myself felt like such a a luxury! Even eating lunch at my desk while pumping felt like "me time!"
My kids are older now (7 and 9) so time by myself is a little easier to come by, thank goodness. Still feel like a referee and more tantrums than I expected! 🤣
Yes! Let go of the guilt for sure.. why do we feel so much of it? It seems with everything we do in life, whatever combination, we end up feeling some kind of guilt.. it’s crazy how it’s so ingrained in us. We must remind ourselves that we are good people and it is OK to actually enjoy life!! 😆❤️
Ohhh yes this resonates deeply. I now have three mornings when my two are at nursery together and I use the time to devote to writing and creative projects and it fills me up. I just wrote this last week about this and how I find a lot of discomfort in both the unseen and unpaid nature of both my mothering and my creative work but that I feel committed to building something that fulfils me, on my terms and that works as a mother of young children. And yesss to the alone-time, I have never needed it more, it is my decompression time and when my thoughts are clearest! It blew my mind the other day to think that it is so rare these days for me to go anywhere alone, compared with how I operated on a daily basis before having children! xx
This post so speaks to me. I wonder if it’s a creative thing. I am also self-employed so I have complete control over my schedule and all my work is creative. It is true for me that I absolutely need to have space in my life for me and my creative projects. Without them I can feel myself withering away and resentment grows. I’ll admit there is also a part of me that feels guilty that I need this, which I recognize is sad and ridiculous and all a symptom of cultural conditioning around patriarchal narratives. What I’ve found most challenging is existing in this in-between world where I’m not quite a SAHM (even though I work from home) but I also don’t have a “traditional” job so it’s hard for me to explain to others what I do and I feel judged for spending so much time in my creative projects. Especially for me, part of my work involves a lot or reading and reflecting and so I feel bad sitting around in my room reading and journaling and thinking and doing yoga even though it’s all part of the process for my work. Anyway, I think we need more normalizing of this idea that it’s okay to have time for yourself and your passions whether it’s work or not. Thanks for sharing!
This is so so true for me too! I struggled to breastfeed, it simply didn’t work, but sometimes i wonder if my body rejected the idea of it because it needed ‘space’ from the start. I never felt like I missed out - but my son would sleep on me in my sling and struggled to sleep without contact, so i felt like i was rarely able to find moments to rest.
I remember going back to work after maternity leave - it was post pandemic so I still worked from home, but i created the best possible work space and sitting there was such a happy place. I could see the trees outside the window, hear birds song, and as I chatted to colleagues on zoom, I remember feeling so excited, and relaxed and I was really having fun. Even on sleep deprived days, it’s was easier to sit and design that spend the day mothering. I’m back to full time freelance now thanks to help from my mother in law, and I love it. I feel lucky I can bring that positive energy back to parenting when he comes home and it’s so much more enjoyable.
For my husband it seems the opposite- he keeps saying he would rather be a stay at home parent than work - he’s honestly better at it than I am. If our household didn’t need two incomes I’d be fine with being the sole earner. I just expected that I would want to be the the stay at home parent, but I surprise myself that I actually prefer work.
On time away: my husband and i have started to plan solo weekends ‘off’ in advance. We only have one child, so it’s easier, but I know that i’ll have a few nights away doing whatever i want with friends in late summer, and he will get time away for himself and i’ll cover the childcare. Even if it’s only once or twice a year, it’s such a good recharge for us as a family.
Beautiful piece, Kylie-Ann. Thanks so much for talking about how going back to work actually feels like rest in so many ways. It amazes me how difficult caring for young children is. I had no idea the degree of emotional, physical, psychological effort that goes into every moment...makes writing up a report feel like a piece of cake in comparison!
I’m getting married in a month with my boyfriend and my biggest fear is this: I’ll not be able to have my alone times anymore. It’s highly important for me to be able to spend time by myself for a certain portion of the day for my sanity and I’m afraid how I’d be able to do that once I start living together with another person. This fear also limits me from family planning.
Reading out your thoughts on this and how you’ve been balancing out was like a fresh breeze to my stagnant worries. Thanks, Kylie! I hope I’m able to figure things out like you.
This makes perfect sense to me. When I first returned to work, going to the bathroom by myself felt like such a a luxury! Even eating lunch at my desk while pumping felt like "me time!"
My kids are older now (7 and 9) so time by myself is a little easier to come by, thank goodness. Still feel like a referee and more tantrums than I expected! 🤣
Yes! Let go of the guilt for sure.. why do we feel so much of it? It seems with everything we do in life, whatever combination, we end up feeling some kind of guilt.. it’s crazy how it’s so ingrained in us. We must remind ourselves that we are good people and it is OK to actually enjoy life!! 😆❤️