I watched a Gabor Mate interview recently and he said something along the lines of when women have their menstrual cycle it should be considered “truth telling time.” Their bodies are going through such an intense moment that that they are less likely to acquiesce and more like to say what they truly feel. He mentioned in some cultures this “super power” are why they are the leaders and decision makers. I’m saying it far less scientifically but if I find it I’ll share it with you.
Yes! This is utterly the time for deep deep truth to surface. There is no filter in this phase and it’s absolutely my favourite part of the cycle! The book Wild Power talks a lot about this.
Thank you for that beautiful invitation, Kylie-Ann. For me, it is so strange how my perception of my cycle changed as my motherhood journey progressed. Pre-children, my cycles were seen as the "necessary evil" to get pregnant; I welcomed 2.5 years of being amenorrhiac (pregnancy plus breastfeeding) as a relief. I got pregnant within two cycles again with my second. And during that time, as I was growing as a woman and mother, I started feeling more connected to nature, its ebbs and flows, and tuning into it; this time around, I could not wait for my cycle to return and reflect on how that affects me. And definitely, I do feel a creativity spark in the middle of the cycle!
Oh that’s such a good point Aleks, I wonder if I see my cycle differently now I don’t see it as a means to have children. (I really don’t want any more!) thanks for reading.
I applaud you for putting this conversation front and center, and also the way you frame and embrace womanhood. Sometimes it feels like nature asks a lot of our bodies, but perhaps that's the price to pay for being granted our superpowers :)
I cannot imagine only have one state the way do, I love the changes. It took me a long time to love the changes and honestly, sometimes I feel frustrated that I feel amazing and like I can do anything only one week a month but I have grown to love each phase for its own reasons and I find I am more productive when I listen to these ebbs and flow, then to pretend I work in one mode all the time. Thank our for sharing this piece and starting this conversation.
Absolutely agree with you, Kylie! I love how my body changes externally and internally in the 30-day cycle and how every phase gives me a different kind of energy.
I’m also at the total mercy of my hormones. Now at 46, i’m feeling the perimenopausal symptoms kick in, and a big part of that is rage like I’ve never known before. The Rollercoaster of emotions has deeper dips than before. it’s a proper hell hole - and my ‘frauen artz’ (gynaecologist) prescribed me anti depressants. I fully support the pills in principle but somehow it felt a bit premature, and the idea of taking them for a natural life stage didn’t sit right with me. If it gets worse i might change my mind. But i started a programme of weight training (gentle but consistent) and that has really been a game changer for the moods and the extreme dips.
But, i’m now a bit kinder to myself. i track my cycle and when i hit those lows, i no longer wonder why, i can see that i should expect it and it kind of helps. I try to go easy on myself rather than freak out like i used to. I give myself 2 week windows of planning to help manage it, and i try not to plan anything overwhelming in that time. It’s tough with work though. You have to be constant, as you say, and that’s hard. Men are so lucky they don’t have to deal with this stuff - i sometimes feel very jekyll and hyde with it all.
It’s so interesting hearing your perspective from perimenopause. I was wondering as the symptoms seem to have heightened for me since kids if that would be a continuing trend. Or is it just made worse by young kids and how kind of relentless that whole experience is anyway. I totally understand what you say about not wanting to medicate for a natural
Life stage and I’m glad you have found an activity to help manage those symptoms and I too find self compassion in tracking the cycle, in knowing why I feel a certain way - it does really help. You are right too that even if we can’t control work etc during those harder weeks we can control extra things potentially or try to have that self compassion and not take on too much.
I sometimes wonder if men are lucky or are they missing out on some of the magic? Or are the lows too low to make the highs/ those creative bursts worth it? They definitely have it simpler don’t they and that’s probably enviable enough
the young kids thing def makes it worse. the general exhaustion from it all can’t be denied. I am one of those women who, as an older mother, has experienced the hormones trying to ‘balance’ post partum and shift swiftly out again soon after. Having said that, every woman experiences this so so differently - as with all of our keys stages of our cycles, seems we can’t possibly know what to expect. That’s what winds me up!
Despite it all, i do feel more connected to my self as a menstruating woman - more connected to my cycles and rythyms - so i know what you mean about the magic. It is quite an amazing thing. I respect that i am a cyclical being more now than ever. In my 20s and 30s it was something i hardly paid attention to. Strength was about getting on with life despite the period, and a ‘good’ month was one where nothing needed to be adjusted or changed because of it. Now i want to encourage my nieces to consider themselves cyclical creatures and be kind to themselves when needed, and celebrate their peak times when they have it. The younger women I know have a much better approach to when i was their age, which is really encouraging. I’m determined to approach this next stage as empowering - something i participate in fully. As for men, sometimes i wonder if men absorb from the women closest to them. I often notice that when i’m in my low point in the cycle, my husband also seems to be extra exhausted - maybe he’s in sync with my hormones?
I adore this post, and I think there are super powers in each phase, they just don’t necessarily conform to the outside expectation of our over culture!!! It’s very different honouring cycles when mothering as well but I still think there can be some awareness and ways to support ourselves. The book Wild Power utterly transformed the way I treated myself through my cycle. Xxx
Another woman at the mercy of her cycle over here. 🙋🏻♀️
I feel fairly “normal” for a day or two after my period, then i got into hyperdrive for the week up to ovulation. I’m productive but I’m also highly distractible. Funnily enough I only seem to listen to music during this week too.
Once ovulation hits my mood starts to dip and I bounce between rage, desperate sadness and existential dread until my period starts again.
Things used to be worse. I used to get terrible physical symptoms too - the pain, the migraines. Couldn’t do a thing around my period. But it seems I’m one of those women whose periods got 100x better after they had a baby. I hate that my gynaecologist - who was investigating possible endometriosis - was right about me, because I know women hear that all the time and it’s not at all helpful, especially if you aren’t ever going to have kids.
Aanyway, it’s interesting what you say about feeling a bit flat while pregnant, because Im pregnant at the moment and feel that too.
I had big plans this year to do more writing outside of work, but I just haven’t felt inspired. I haven’t even felt inspired to engage with Substack much either. Or social media. I’m much slower at getting through books too. I just feel, as you describe, a bit “meh”. So I’m glad it’s not just me! My body is definitely telling me to rest, but life (with a toddler and a career to maintain) carries on.🫠
Thanks for reading, Ren, your experience sounds very familiar.
It’s interesting isn’t it that it changes after kids and usually in a good way; my periods are much less painful now but I notice all the little nudges my body is giving me in the cycle that I didn’t notice much before kids. And yes totally unhelpful advise if you don’t want to have them or can’t.
The flatness is definitely a call to rest isn’t it, the only surge I got in pregnancy was that nesting surge at the end and even then I was scrubbing the floor rather than polishing any writing 😂
I wish I’d had that nesting instinct - my house was a tip when I came back from the hospital 🤣 Now that you mention it I do think I feel the emotional side of my cycle more keenly than before I had my son. The body is weird and wonderful!
But, as a creative person I learned, that I like other weeks as well. In the PMS stage one is easily distracted, but I get bombared by creative ideas. In the menstrual weel I am calm and in a meditative mood, which is great way for reflection not only on my written pieces but also on my carreer. I also found it useful to write down the hyper-criticism of myself, my work and my clients that I tento think during PMS and reflect on them later, because there might be truth in it.
Love this Kylie-Ann. I was diagnosed with PMDD a while back, but since then I have tried everything to get my cycle back to a more manageable place. Now my symptoms are much better, but of course I still experience the ebbs and flows.
The main thing that has been beneficial for me is learning to prioritise myself, rest and nourish myself instead of just overriding it all. I try to lean into the different stages of my cycle now as much as I can, rest when it comes / have fewer plans and plan more fun things around ovulation.
It’s definitely a rollercoaster, but for me the highs are worth the lows. That might change when I have kids 😅 but I want to try my best to keep supporting myself when I am in need, as it makes the world of difference.
I watched a Gabor Mate interview recently and he said something along the lines of when women have their menstrual cycle it should be considered “truth telling time.” Their bodies are going through such an intense moment that that they are less likely to acquiesce and more like to say what they truly feel. He mentioned in some cultures this “super power” are why they are the leaders and decision makers. I’m saying it far less scientifically but if I find it I’ll share it with you.
Oh that’s very interesting. I love that the time when we are less likely to acquiesce is also a
Super power of sorts. Thanks Marc!
I really like this perspective.
Yes! This is utterly the time for deep deep truth to surface. There is no filter in this phase and it’s absolutely my favourite part of the cycle! The book Wild Power talks a lot about this.
Ooh that sounds like an interesting read thanks Lauren!
Awesome share Marc, thank you
I love absolutely everything you have written here 🤩🙏🏼❤️
Thank you Zoe. 🙌🏻❤️
Thank you for that beautiful invitation, Kylie-Ann. For me, it is so strange how my perception of my cycle changed as my motherhood journey progressed. Pre-children, my cycles were seen as the "necessary evil" to get pregnant; I welcomed 2.5 years of being amenorrhiac (pregnancy plus breastfeeding) as a relief. I got pregnant within two cycles again with my second. And during that time, as I was growing as a woman and mother, I started feeling more connected to nature, its ebbs and flows, and tuning into it; this time around, I could not wait for my cycle to return and reflect on how that affects me. And definitely, I do feel a creativity spark in the middle of the cycle!
Oh that’s such a good point Aleks, I wonder if I see my cycle differently now I don’t see it as a means to have children. (I really don’t want any more!) thanks for reading.
Great point: "Men may have called it hysteria all those years ago, but I’d rather have the rhythms of my menstrual cycle than a flatline of emotion."
Thanks Kay.
My pleasure Kylie-Ann! Great article.
I applaud you for putting this conversation front and center, and also the way you frame and embrace womanhood. Sometimes it feels like nature asks a lot of our bodies, but perhaps that's the price to pay for being granted our superpowers :)
Love this Maria, thank you. ❤️
I cannot imagine only have one state the way do, I love the changes. It took me a long time to love the changes and honestly, sometimes I feel frustrated that I feel amazing and like I can do anything only one week a month but I have grown to love each phase for its own reasons and I find I am more productive when I listen to these ebbs and flow, then to pretend I work in one mode all the time. Thank our for sharing this piece and starting this conversation.
Thanks Emma. You are so right that it makes more sense to work with it than against it. ❤️🙌🏻
Absolutely agree with you, Kylie! I love how my body changes externally and internally in the 30-day cycle and how every phase gives me a different kind of energy.
Thank you Rifah. Yes a varying energy is a much more postive way of wording it. I like that 🙌🏻❤️
I’m also at the total mercy of my hormones. Now at 46, i’m feeling the perimenopausal symptoms kick in, and a big part of that is rage like I’ve never known before. The Rollercoaster of emotions has deeper dips than before. it’s a proper hell hole - and my ‘frauen artz’ (gynaecologist) prescribed me anti depressants. I fully support the pills in principle but somehow it felt a bit premature, and the idea of taking them for a natural life stage didn’t sit right with me. If it gets worse i might change my mind. But i started a programme of weight training (gentle but consistent) and that has really been a game changer for the moods and the extreme dips.
But, i’m now a bit kinder to myself. i track my cycle and when i hit those lows, i no longer wonder why, i can see that i should expect it and it kind of helps. I try to go easy on myself rather than freak out like i used to. I give myself 2 week windows of planning to help manage it, and i try not to plan anything overwhelming in that time. It’s tough with work though. You have to be constant, as you say, and that’s hard. Men are so lucky they don’t have to deal with this stuff - i sometimes feel very jekyll and hyde with it all.
It’s so interesting hearing your perspective from perimenopause. I was wondering as the symptoms seem to have heightened for me since kids if that would be a continuing trend. Or is it just made worse by young kids and how kind of relentless that whole experience is anyway. I totally understand what you say about not wanting to medicate for a natural
Life stage and I’m glad you have found an activity to help manage those symptoms and I too find self compassion in tracking the cycle, in knowing why I feel a certain way - it does really help. You are right too that even if we can’t control work etc during those harder weeks we can control extra things potentially or try to have that self compassion and not take on too much.
I sometimes wonder if men are lucky or are they missing out on some of the magic? Or are the lows too low to make the highs/ those creative bursts worth it? They definitely have it simpler don’t they and that’s probably enviable enough
Thank you for sharing Raj.
the young kids thing def makes it worse. the general exhaustion from it all can’t be denied. I am one of those women who, as an older mother, has experienced the hormones trying to ‘balance’ post partum and shift swiftly out again soon after. Having said that, every woman experiences this so so differently - as with all of our keys stages of our cycles, seems we can’t possibly know what to expect. That’s what winds me up!
Despite it all, i do feel more connected to my self as a menstruating woman - more connected to my cycles and rythyms - so i know what you mean about the magic. It is quite an amazing thing. I respect that i am a cyclical being more now than ever. In my 20s and 30s it was something i hardly paid attention to. Strength was about getting on with life despite the period, and a ‘good’ month was one where nothing needed to be adjusted or changed because of it. Now i want to encourage my nieces to consider themselves cyclical creatures and be kind to themselves when needed, and celebrate their peak times when they have it. The younger women I know have a much better approach to when i was their age, which is really encouraging. I’m determined to approach this next stage as empowering - something i participate in fully. As for men, sometimes i wonder if men absorb from the women closest to them. I often notice that when i’m in my low point in the cycle, my husband also seems to be extra exhausted - maybe he’s in sync with my hormones?
I adore this post, and I think there are super powers in each phase, they just don’t necessarily conform to the outside expectation of our over culture!!! It’s very different honouring cycles when mothering as well but I still think there can be some awareness and ways to support ourselves. The book Wild Power utterly transformed the way I treated myself through my cycle. Xxx
Another woman at the mercy of her cycle over here. 🙋🏻♀️
I feel fairly “normal” for a day or two after my period, then i got into hyperdrive for the week up to ovulation. I’m productive but I’m also highly distractible. Funnily enough I only seem to listen to music during this week too.
Once ovulation hits my mood starts to dip and I bounce between rage, desperate sadness and existential dread until my period starts again.
Things used to be worse. I used to get terrible physical symptoms too - the pain, the migraines. Couldn’t do a thing around my period. But it seems I’m one of those women whose periods got 100x better after they had a baby. I hate that my gynaecologist - who was investigating possible endometriosis - was right about me, because I know women hear that all the time and it’s not at all helpful, especially if you aren’t ever going to have kids.
Aanyway, it’s interesting what you say about feeling a bit flat while pregnant, because Im pregnant at the moment and feel that too.
I had big plans this year to do more writing outside of work, but I just haven’t felt inspired. I haven’t even felt inspired to engage with Substack much either. Or social media. I’m much slower at getting through books too. I just feel, as you describe, a bit “meh”. So I’m glad it’s not just me! My body is definitely telling me to rest, but life (with a toddler and a career to maintain) carries on.🫠
Thanks for reading, Ren, your experience sounds very familiar.
It’s interesting isn’t it that it changes after kids and usually in a good way; my periods are much less painful now but I notice all the little nudges my body is giving me in the cycle that I didn’t notice much before kids. And yes totally unhelpful advise if you don’t want to have them or can’t.
The flatness is definitely a call to rest isn’t it, the only surge I got in pregnancy was that nesting surge at the end and even then I was scrubbing the floor rather than polishing any writing 😂
I wish I’d had that nesting instinct - my house was a tip when I came back from the hospital 🤣 Now that you mention it I do think I feel the emotional side of my cycle more keenly than before I had my son. The body is weird and wonderful!
Hi, thank you for the post.
But, as a creative person I learned, that I like other weeks as well. In the PMS stage one is easily distracted, but I get bombared by creative ideas. In the menstrual weel I am calm and in a meditative mood, which is great way for reflection not only on my written pieces but also on my carreer. I also found it useful to write down the hyper-criticism of myself, my work and my clients that I tento think during PMS and reflect on them later, because there might be truth in it.
Love this Kylie-Ann. I was diagnosed with PMDD a while back, but since then I have tried everything to get my cycle back to a more manageable place. Now my symptoms are much better, but of course I still experience the ebbs and flows.
The main thing that has been beneficial for me is learning to prioritise myself, rest and nourish myself instead of just overriding it all. I try to lean into the different stages of my cycle now as much as I can, rest when it comes / have fewer plans and plan more fun things around ovulation.
It’s definitely a rollercoaster, but for me the highs are worth the lows. That might change when I have kids 😅 but I want to try my best to keep supporting myself when I am in need, as it makes the world of difference.