So good Kylie, a lot of it resonated with me. I am often out and about with my two and I find it hugely triggering when it is obvious that a member of the public is disapproving of their noise/general ‘childish’ (haha!) antics. I think it brings up a lot for me as a child who was often expected to sit quietly. I think there are often ridiculous expectations placed on children (and their parents).
There is nothing better than someone recognising you and the work you are doing though. I remember once sitting in a cafe when my son was tiny and my daughter was two and climbing everywhere, a woman came out of nowhere and said “you are doing a brilliant job”, I could have/did cry!
I also could well be the one sitting there quietly in a rare child-free moment and not welcoming a child in proactively, your thoughts/words have made me think that I will definitely try to do to that. It seems crazy to think there are (many) places in this country where children are not welcome xx
Yes me too. I feel like I am seeing it from both sides now, and I think we could probably all do better but then again kids are a lot and we are exhausted! I think it is true for me too that it brings up a lot of sit down shut up parenting from when we were kids and that’s something I am definitely reacting to as well. Thanks for reading, Lyndsay.
I LOVE this Kylie! 👍 It is so interesting when we start to see things from another perspective... I too had this experience when mine got older and I started to gain back that time to be out and about alone again. Isn't it great! 😉😆 Such freedom!! 🎉🤣 I don't think you need to worry about how you came off to the mum in Costa, I bet they just had to leave anyway.. and I'm sure you weren't as cold as you think. 🧡
I do think though, that maybe we should speak up more (to fellow parents) when we are in these situations. I remember that mortifying feeling when your kids are being little shits and you're convinced everyone is looking at you and you just want to dissolve into the nearest wall 😆 It's hard though because if I was to say "can I help" or something like that, I worry that they would think that I think they can't cope or I'm judging them for doing something 'wrong'. So I just stay mute.. but maybe I shouldn't?
Oh, I don't know it's a minefield! 🥴 I definitely think us Brits over think these things and the whole apologising thing... man I do that ALL the time! If someone shoves into me, I'm like "oh, sorry".. I'd love it if one day I could get the confidence to say: "Oh, I'm sorry YOU bumped into me!!" in a super sarcastic tone.. wouldn't that be great! 😆
Thanks Eva! Yes I know the exact feeling it is a conundrum! I don’t want to come across judgy but have been there etc and want to show I understand. Thank you for reading!
Great piece. I have had so many moments with my own children over the years that have taught me to hold judgment on whatever challenge another parent may be facing in public with their child(ren). I recently sat across the aisle from a couple with an infant on a long-haul flight. They spent most of the journey taking turns bouncing, rocking, shushing, etc. I was not bothered for one moment; I almost offered to hold the baby while they ate, but then thought that may seem a bit bold. My point is that I like to think most people are not bothered by youngsters. Also, I think there's a difference between teaching a child to be respectful of other people/societal norms and honoring their age-appropriate needs.
Yes that is a fair point. I think it is partly about respect isn’t it, but I often think of it as shushing and stamping on their fun, allowing their age appropriate tantrums etc and I think when they are very young I tend to assume the second however it is a fine line and I hadn’t thought of that in the moment, but that is likely what the mother was thinking.
All of this! Have you read 'It's Not Fair' by Eloise Rickman? She coins the term 'adultism' in terms of the social marginalisation that children face in the UK. Fascinating and important stuff.
When I went to Japan it was such a cultural shock how kids are treated. They were 'allowed' to run around and make noise! They were encouraged to participate in public spaces! Parents seemed relaxed!!!
Yes I feel like it would make a huge difference to how we parent and how we feel ourselves. Feeling like a nuisance doesn’t do our sense of self esteem any good. It goes back to that village thing too doesn’t it. How children are a collective effort rather than one person’s problem.
We went to Berlin when my son was 2 and it was so different. I was worried about dragging a toddler around this terminally hip city but all the playparks had cafes and we were greeted with a babycinno in every restaurant we went in. My parents emigrated to Portugal for retirement and it’s a very similar vibe. Kids are generally pretty well behaved but I wonder if it’s because they are less stressed from not being shushed all the time.
I love to write in a cafe and I’d rather the noise of a child versus some man with a booming voice bragging about something. And that’s what loop headphones are for.
Yes Coree! Love this. Exactly why should we pander to their wishes when they can be the minority. And loop ear plugs I found really good too for when the noise is too much i.e soft play 🙌🏻❤️
YES!!as a mother of 5 I constantly feel i'm taking up space,being too loud, ruining other people's experience of living in general. It's worse when I'm tired(lol,all the time). We went on holiday to center Parc last Lear and honestly, I will go back every year just for the feeling of being in a restaurant with my children and not being a burden. The solidarity of all the parents in the same boat, paddling along together was genuinely my biggest take away..🙈🙈
Oh yes holidays! Tbh we haven’t really been on a “holiday” yet but I think one that is catered for children may feel like more of a holiday. Restaurants on their own are a bit of a nightmare and I definitely feel a difference with a restaurant lunch time vs dinner time. And restaurants that make children feel welcome are gold ❤️ thanks for reading Sinead.
We're a big fan of lakeside mobile homes - we go with 2 other families, and it is so chill. I think I'd find center parcs a bit stressful although I totally appreciate the advantages.
To be honest, I think that we parents are the ones in most desperate need of the quiet. The noise bothered me far less before I had a child - I remember finding loud children so cute and funny. I've never loved piece and quiet so much (something that, as an only child, I hated for years).
So good Kylie, a lot of it resonated with me. I am often out and about with my two and I find it hugely triggering when it is obvious that a member of the public is disapproving of their noise/general ‘childish’ (haha!) antics. I think it brings up a lot for me as a child who was often expected to sit quietly. I think there are often ridiculous expectations placed on children (and their parents).
There is nothing better than someone recognising you and the work you are doing though. I remember once sitting in a cafe when my son was tiny and my daughter was two and climbing everywhere, a woman came out of nowhere and said “you are doing a brilliant job”, I could have/did cry!
I also could well be the one sitting there quietly in a rare child-free moment and not welcoming a child in proactively, your thoughts/words have made me think that I will definitely try to do to that. It seems crazy to think there are (many) places in this country where children are not welcome xx
Oh wow, what an amazing woman. We need so many more of her (let's try and be her when we can ❤️)
Yes! 🩷
Yes me too. I feel like I am seeing it from both sides now, and I think we could probably all do better but then again kids are a lot and we are exhausted! I think it is true for me too that it brings up a lot of sit down shut up parenting from when we were kids and that’s something I am definitely reacting to as well. Thanks for reading, Lyndsay.
I LOVE this Kylie! 👍 It is so interesting when we start to see things from another perspective... I too had this experience when mine got older and I started to gain back that time to be out and about alone again. Isn't it great! 😉😆 Such freedom!! 🎉🤣 I don't think you need to worry about how you came off to the mum in Costa, I bet they just had to leave anyway.. and I'm sure you weren't as cold as you think. 🧡
I do think though, that maybe we should speak up more (to fellow parents) when we are in these situations. I remember that mortifying feeling when your kids are being little shits and you're convinced everyone is looking at you and you just want to dissolve into the nearest wall 😆 It's hard though because if I was to say "can I help" or something like that, I worry that they would think that I think they can't cope or I'm judging them for doing something 'wrong'. So I just stay mute.. but maybe I shouldn't?
Oh, I don't know it's a minefield! 🥴 I definitely think us Brits over think these things and the whole apologising thing... man I do that ALL the time! If someone shoves into me, I'm like "oh, sorry".. I'd love it if one day I could get the confidence to say: "Oh, I'm sorry YOU bumped into me!!" in a super sarcastic tone.. wouldn't that be great! 😆
Thanks Eva! Yes I know the exact feeling it is a conundrum! I don’t want to come across judgy but have been there etc and want to show I understand. Thank you for reading!
Great piece. I have had so many moments with my own children over the years that have taught me to hold judgment on whatever challenge another parent may be facing in public with their child(ren). I recently sat across the aisle from a couple with an infant on a long-haul flight. They spent most of the journey taking turns bouncing, rocking, shushing, etc. I was not bothered for one moment; I almost offered to hold the baby while they ate, but then thought that may seem a bit bold. My point is that I like to think most people are not bothered by youngsters. Also, I think there's a difference between teaching a child to be respectful of other people/societal norms and honoring their age-appropriate needs.
Yes that is a fair point. I think it is partly about respect isn’t it, but I often think of it as shushing and stamping on their fun, allowing their age appropriate tantrums etc and I think when they are very young I tend to assume the second however it is a fine line and I hadn’t thought of that in the moment, but that is likely what the mother was thinking.
Thanks for reading, Maria.
I loved this piece, thank you for sharing
Thank you Charlotte ❤️
All of this! Have you read 'It's Not Fair' by Eloise Rickman? She coins the term 'adultism' in terms of the social marginalisation that children face in the UK. Fascinating and important stuff.
Oh thanks Hayley that sounds really interesting. And interesting point too that it is different in other countries.
When I went to Japan it was such a cultural shock how kids are treated. They were 'allowed' to run around and make noise! They were encouraged to participate in public spaces! Parents seemed relaxed!!!
Yes I feel like it would make a huge difference to how we parent and how we feel ourselves. Feeling like a nuisance doesn’t do our sense of self esteem any good. It goes back to that village thing too doesn’t it. How children are a collective effort rather than one person’s problem.
We went to Berlin when my son was 2 and it was so different. I was worried about dragging a toddler around this terminally hip city but all the playparks had cafes and we were greeted with a babycinno in every restaurant we went in. My parents emigrated to Portugal for retirement and it’s a very similar vibe. Kids are generally pretty well behaved but I wonder if it’s because they are less stressed from not being shushed all the time.
I love to write in a cafe and I’d rather the noise of a child versus some man with a booming voice bragging about something. And that’s what loop headphones are for.
Yes Coree! Love this. Exactly why should we pander to their wishes when they can be the minority. And loop ear plugs I found really good too for when the noise is too much i.e soft play 🙌🏻❤️
YES!!as a mother of 5 I constantly feel i'm taking up space,being too loud, ruining other people's experience of living in general. It's worse when I'm tired(lol,all the time). We went on holiday to center Parc last Lear and honestly, I will go back every year just for the feeling of being in a restaurant with my children and not being a burden. The solidarity of all the parents in the same boat, paddling along together was genuinely my biggest take away..🙈🙈
Oh yes holidays! Tbh we haven’t really been on a “holiday” yet but I think one that is catered for children may feel like more of a holiday. Restaurants on their own are a bit of a nightmare and I definitely feel a difference with a restaurant lunch time vs dinner time. And restaurants that make children feel welcome are gold ❤️ thanks for reading Sinead.
We're a big fan of lakeside mobile homes - we go with 2 other families, and it is so chill. I think I'd find center parcs a bit stressful although I totally appreciate the advantages.
To be honest, I think that we parents are the ones in most desperate need of the quiet. The noise bothered me far less before I had a child - I remember finding loud children so cute and funny. I've never loved piece and quiet so much (something that, as an only child, I hated for years).