A very interesting read 👍 I do agree 100% that it is completely up to each family indivually to agree what is right for them. Although that is not always easy with varying opinions within the same household. I think leaning more towards the safer side is probably sensible, although I think it can become a bit over the top and unnecessarily anxiety enducing for some. On a side note... Copywrite law means AI can't 'steal' your photos without written permission. Anyone who uses your writing and/or photos without your permission is breaking the law. Reasonable length quotes are ok, but vital that you Name the author. Just in case anyone didn't know 😉
Oh so interesting. I think the whole concept of ai is a bit scary in terms of theft of ideas but I already know as a designer some extent of copyright law. I worried that by agreeing to their terms and conditions I might be wavering it somehow.. thanks for sharing.
Of-course you do, sorry 🙈 and at least you can actually spell “copyright” unlike me! 🤦🏻♀️🤣 That’s a good point about the terms and conditions.. does anyone ever actually read those?! 😬😆
Thanks for the post and inspiration to think about this. When you write about finding the balance between wanting to build an online platform and also wanting to maintain some privacy I can’t help thinking about Banksy or some guy my husband follows online who has thousands and thousands of followers who calls himself the “real estate God” but shares zero details about who he actually is. My husband met with him for coaching calls online and still doesn’t know his name! I think there is a way to maintain mystique and not still be successful. There have been pseudonyms forever!
Gosh I didn’t even know about this. This is really interesting. Imagine how free we could be about what we write with anonymity. It’s fascinating to me that I didn’t even consider this as an option.
Such an important and interesting conversation here! I have decided to not share faces online, and haven’t ever, but I still share quite a lot of images mainly because I love taking photos of them and I feel like they are such a big part of my life, the images I share always feel like a little bit of art. It’s not really for me about connecting with extended family, although I also like that my aunts and others get to see snapshots of them, it really is because I adore capturing moments of awe and wonder from them and feel like that is a little spark of joy to share. I’ve been thinking quite a lot about how much I use their names though… and I am going to switch to either a cute name like Caro does or maybe just initials. I did tick the box to say that school can use images without full names, partly because I remember feeling really proud when I was at school and my name was in the local paper because of something that we did at school, but I think if that didn’t feel right at any time I could change my mind. I have a shared album on my phone for close family which works well. We are all so new to this I think we have to remember to give ourselves some grace for ‘figuring’ it out, and allow ourselves to change our minds or learn from mistakes. We are all just doing our best, and especially in the loneliness of motherhood it often feels good to share a moment on social media which features our little ones and be met with love and compassion. Xxx
Thank you for reading Lauren. You are absolutely right that in some ways with it all changing so much all the time with new technology and ways the internet is used, we do sort of have to adjust and react and that can take time to get right. Compassion as always is welcome, you make such a good point. Thank you x
I'm in the same boat. I have a private Instagram and have weeded my friends list on Facebook to more easily share kid images with family we don't see often. I feel pressure to start a public Instagram with Threads to begin setting up a platform for writing, but I'm not sure how that all works when I have a private one.
My big concern is grandparents sharing photos of my kids when they have no idea how to use social media. They get hacked constantly and I'm not sure what to do about it since I can't survey their friends lists.
Yes I think all you can do is communicate and hope that they honour your wishes. Which is to say that probably sounds easier than it is. It can be stressful when they do share
I remember my Mum sharing my first pregnancy scan on facebook when I hadn’t told my job yet and I went mad at her. Not her news to share etc. luckily she seems to not be on facebook much these days.
Such a great post and I've been thinking about this a lot since I read it. I don't share my kids names or faces anymore, I used to but deleted all of those posts/pics so I occasionally share just the backs of them. Like you say, it's important to have your own boundaries around it in place too. I went to a baby class with my son for a term, last year and I said no to his image appearing on social media. I was the only one in the whole class that did this, but their images were shared from every class in a reel on Instagram after the class so I'm glad I said no now.
Thank you Jenna. That’s really interesting that you were the only one I wonder if having seen what happened then if people might be less inclined? Or if attitudes are slowly shifting? But absolutely it can be very personal can’t it so we should absolutely stick to those boundaries we have set.
I put a little birth announcement up on FB when each of my kids was born and that’s the extent of my sharing. I had already stopped sharing personal posts on most social media by then for myself (mostly out of tiring of online drama) and it felt contrived to share about other people (my kids). I wondered about what my motivations would be to share. Most of my closest family wasn’t on social media. So I skipped that. I guess for me it was about asking, do I need to share photos of my life online to prove I am a mother, etc? I don’t have advice for you on how to find new balance, just sharing my experience.
Thanks for sharing Katie, that’s really interesting point: what are our motivations for sharing? I guess mine is an update sort of thing but maybe a little part of me wants to show off what i have “achieved” in my years mothering so far. I hadn’t considered that angle. Thanks for reading.
So interesting and brilliantly written as always Kylie. I have pretty much decided to only share images of my children that are not of their full faces etc. My husband is intensely private with no online presence and finds the whole sharing thing madness! I have mentioned my children’s names on IG in the past but am now reconsidering that. I love how Caro Giles refers to her daughters in Twelve Moons, it says so much about their characters without revealing anything about their identity. Also so interesting what you say about revealing birthdays/whereabouts/password implications etc, it’s pretty scary, not to mention AI! I think I ticked ok for my daughter’s picture to be shared within school on that form but not social media etc. So many layers! xx
Thanks for writing this post Kylie - such an interesting topic. I definitely air on the more cautious side but do think it’s sad it’s something we even have to think about. I can also really relate to the tension between needing personal privacy whilst wanting to connect with others through your writing. I’ve always been fascinated by the blurry edges between memoir, autofiction and fiction that heavily draws on real life and I love hearing about what decisions authors make about what they do and don’t share and why.
This is so true Jennifer I think that’s why I find it really interesting - that memoirists can do a similar thing in telling their stories but be completely different in the ways they protect their children’s privacy yet despite this both feel completely open. Perhaps that’s the true skill is to be relatable and honest and detailed in x y and z so we don’t as readers question information that may be intentionally left out.
Thank you for the mention! I think this discussion is important in a growing AI world. I was looking for a photo of a friend and myself from fourteen years ago and realized I have nearly two decades of life on Facebook in photos alone. It’s nice having those memories but I’m also worried. It might be time to remove myself.
Oh gosh the whole existence of photos of myself is a totally other matter. Friends and boyfriends from the past - another life completely on facebook which I only really use now for my design business/to follow local stuff. And I cannot be bothered to go through it all. But probably necessary. Is there such a thing as a digital clear out? I guess I don’t want to contribute to my kids version of that. Gosh it’s hard.
As a writer working on a memoir I love hearing the note about creating character names for the author’s daughters!
I thought it was a really clever way to do it. It also makes it super easy to follow if (like me) you find names hard to remember anyway.
A very interesting read 👍 I do agree 100% that it is completely up to each family indivually to agree what is right for them. Although that is not always easy with varying opinions within the same household. I think leaning more towards the safer side is probably sensible, although I think it can become a bit over the top and unnecessarily anxiety enducing for some. On a side note... Copywrite law means AI can't 'steal' your photos without written permission. Anyone who uses your writing and/or photos without your permission is breaking the law. Reasonable length quotes are ok, but vital that you Name the author. Just in case anyone didn't know 😉
Oh so interesting. I think the whole concept of ai is a bit scary in terms of theft of ideas but I already know as a designer some extent of copyright law. I worried that by agreeing to their terms and conditions I might be wavering it somehow.. thanks for sharing.
Of-course you do, sorry 🙈 and at least you can actually spell “copyright” unlike me! 🤦🏻♀️🤣 That’s a good point about the terms and conditions.. does anyone ever actually read those?! 😬😆
I know it’s scary! I definitely don’t. 😩
Ha ha I didn’t even notice ha
Thanks for the post and inspiration to think about this. When you write about finding the balance between wanting to build an online platform and also wanting to maintain some privacy I can’t help thinking about Banksy or some guy my husband follows online who has thousands and thousands of followers who calls himself the “real estate God” but shares zero details about who he actually is. My husband met with him for coaching calls online and still doesn’t know his name! I think there is a way to maintain mystique and not still be successful. There have been pseudonyms forever!
I’m in awe of the queen of this Elena Ferrante 🤯
Gosh I didn’t even know about this. This is really interesting. Imagine how free we could be about what we write with anonymity. It’s fascinating to me that I didn’t even consider this as an option.
Oh that’s such an interesting point. I had never even considered people who remain anonymous. 🤯 how do they even do it?!
No idea! I have a hard enough time being myself let alone someone else or anonymous 😂
*And still be successful
Such an important and interesting conversation here! I have decided to not share faces online, and haven’t ever, but I still share quite a lot of images mainly because I love taking photos of them and I feel like they are such a big part of my life, the images I share always feel like a little bit of art. It’s not really for me about connecting with extended family, although I also like that my aunts and others get to see snapshots of them, it really is because I adore capturing moments of awe and wonder from them and feel like that is a little spark of joy to share. I’ve been thinking quite a lot about how much I use their names though… and I am going to switch to either a cute name like Caro does or maybe just initials. I did tick the box to say that school can use images without full names, partly because I remember feeling really proud when I was at school and my name was in the local paper because of something that we did at school, but I think if that didn’t feel right at any time I could change my mind. I have a shared album on my phone for close family which works well. We are all so new to this I think we have to remember to give ourselves some grace for ‘figuring’ it out, and allow ourselves to change our minds or learn from mistakes. We are all just doing our best, and especially in the loneliness of motherhood it often feels good to share a moment on social media which features our little ones and be met with love and compassion. Xxx
Thank you for reading Lauren. You are absolutely right that in some ways with it all changing so much all the time with new technology and ways the internet is used, we do sort of have to adjust and react and that can take time to get right. Compassion as always is welcome, you make such a good point. Thank you x
I'm in the same boat. I have a private Instagram and have weeded my friends list on Facebook to more easily share kid images with family we don't see often. I feel pressure to start a public Instagram with Threads to begin setting up a platform for writing, but I'm not sure how that all works when I have a private one.
My big concern is grandparents sharing photos of my kids when they have no idea how to use social media. They get hacked constantly and I'm not sure what to do about it since I can't survey their friends lists.
Yes I think all you can do is communicate and hope that they honour your wishes. Which is to say that probably sounds easier than it is. It can be stressful when they do share
I remember my Mum sharing my first pregnancy scan on facebook when I hadn’t told my job yet and I went mad at her. Not her news to share etc. luckily she seems to not be on facebook much these days.
Such a great post and I've been thinking about this a lot since I read it. I don't share my kids names or faces anymore, I used to but deleted all of those posts/pics so I occasionally share just the backs of them. Like you say, it's important to have your own boundaries around it in place too. I went to a baby class with my son for a term, last year and I said no to his image appearing on social media. I was the only one in the whole class that did this, but their images were shared from every class in a reel on Instagram after the class so I'm glad I said no now.
Thank you Jenna. That’s really interesting that you were the only one I wonder if having seen what happened then if people might be less inclined? Or if attitudes are slowly shifting? But absolutely it can be very personal can’t it so we should absolutely stick to those boundaries we have set.
I put a little birth announcement up on FB when each of my kids was born and that’s the extent of my sharing. I had already stopped sharing personal posts on most social media by then for myself (mostly out of tiring of online drama) and it felt contrived to share about other people (my kids). I wondered about what my motivations would be to share. Most of my closest family wasn’t on social media. So I skipped that. I guess for me it was about asking, do I need to share photos of my life online to prove I am a mother, etc? I don’t have advice for you on how to find new balance, just sharing my experience.
Thanks for sharing Katie, that’s really interesting point: what are our motivations for sharing? I guess mine is an update sort of thing but maybe a little part of me wants to show off what i have “achieved” in my years mothering so far. I hadn’t considered that angle. Thanks for reading.
So interesting and brilliantly written as always Kylie. I have pretty much decided to only share images of my children that are not of their full faces etc. My husband is intensely private with no online presence and finds the whole sharing thing madness! I have mentioned my children’s names on IG in the past but am now reconsidering that. I love how Caro Giles refers to her daughters in Twelve Moons, it says so much about their characters without revealing anything about their identity. Also so interesting what you say about revealing birthdays/whereabouts/password implications etc, it’s pretty scary, not to mention AI! I think I ticked ok for my daughter’s picture to be shared within school on that form but not social media etc. So many layers! xx
Thank you Lyndsay. The more I think about it the more there is to think about, definitely!
Thanks for writing this post Kylie - such an interesting topic. I definitely air on the more cautious side but do think it’s sad it’s something we even have to think about. I can also really relate to the tension between needing personal privacy whilst wanting to connect with others through your writing. I’ve always been fascinated by the blurry edges between memoir, autofiction and fiction that heavily draws on real life and I love hearing about what decisions authors make about what they do and don’t share and why.
This is so true Jennifer I think that’s why I find it really interesting - that memoirists can do a similar thing in telling their stories but be completely different in the ways they protect their children’s privacy yet despite this both feel completely open. Perhaps that’s the true skill is to be relatable and honest and detailed in x y and z so we don’t as readers question information that may be intentionally left out.
Thank you for the mention! I think this discussion is important in a growing AI world. I was looking for a photo of a friend and myself from fourteen years ago and realized I have nearly two decades of life on Facebook in photos alone. It’s nice having those memories but I’m also worried. It might be time to remove myself.
Oh gosh the whole existence of photos of myself is a totally other matter. Friends and boyfriends from the past - another life completely on facebook which I only really use now for my design business/to follow local stuff. And I cannot be bothered to go through it all. But probably necessary. Is there such a thing as a digital clear out? I guess I don’t want to contribute to my kids version of that. Gosh it’s hard.