I was wondering about this just the other day! I was talking to my husband about how happy I am to see our son clearly say 'NO' when interacting with his friends. It was reassuring to see that he was clear about what he wanted to do, or not do, and when his friend suggested he try something he didn't hesitate and stepped away. I wonder how long this will last...and I really hope it WILL last, because as adults I think we are socialised out of this. We're encouraged to take part in things we don't want to all the time, and I wonder when this kicks in for the little ones? Well done to your little boy for knowing what feels good to him and what dosen't! That's wonderful. I really hope he holds on to that, and no doubt with your positive encouragement he will. Sometimes I worry that our boy will miss out on some experiences that are actually fun, because he often defaults to 'no', and he needs more time to feel comfortable in a new experience. Thing is, I know that its more of a trigger for me when he says no, because I'm a natural extrovert and he's a natural introvert. I'm trying to get that balance of supporting him in his boundaries, but also encouraging him to participate. I'm doing my best to try and notice when I'm being triggered as an extrovert mum and not push my introvert child into situations that are tough, but I also worry about him missing out. I guess it will all come in time, and for now we just focus on the child feeling safe. The feelings of 'not belonging' are also SO universal! I'm super sensitive to this too, having a child of mixed-heritage in a very predominantly white space, and I can relate to the feeling of not connecting to the other parents, which I have with my language barrier. I'm slowly exposing my boy to more social environments, and I see the challenges he has in those environments, and I am learning what it means to parent a sensitive child. I am SO often triggered! That's on me, not him, and for sure something I am working on. When I see how happy and relaxed he is once he's home, surrounded by his stuff, its a world of difference.
Thanks for sharing Kylie Ann - these moments at nursery and kindergarten are really tough spaces to navigate, and the layers of triggering is a bit insane! Our little ones are processing so much, their little nervous systems are so often on over-drive. And ours!!
Thank you Raj, you make such a good point about wanting them to participate. They may love it after all and I think this does come in time. Perhaps with ceremonies like that they are very unusual, so it’s all good exposure even if they don’t take part.
I too think that the whole introvert extrovert thing, can be triggering and I am always projecting my feelings and fears on to him , and perhaps he can pick up on them and perhaps it is more simple than that. They are just kids after all. Everything is new and sometimes the things we do like the graduation are strange and don’t make sense.
100% we get socialised out of it. That is me all over I’m always do things I don’t want to do for the sake of other’s convenience and expectation but I am noticing it better now and hopefully getting better at doing what feels right for me.
Ahh I feel this. I have my daughter’s preschool ‘graduation’ coming up in a couple of weeks and I do find the concept bizarre! She is quite interested in it and wants to listen to the (very annoying) song on repeat but I have no idea how she will be on the day as she is quite shy at nursery/in group situations. I hope if she is not comfortable she will be as strong as your son was (and you have been) xx
Thank you Lyndsay that’s really kind of you to say. I was surprised actually once I saw the outfits that they managed to get 13 out of 15 kids in them. But nursery workers are magicians as we well know 😂
Ha so true, still baffled by how they get them all to nap (though my daughter never did once!) I took her to ballet today, her friend wasn’t there and it was a different teacher which threw her, she wouldn’t let me leave or join in at all. I thought of you and your son and instead of trying to get her to join in just sat with her at the side for the duration. It wasn’t ideal and felt like a waste but also I’m glad she didn’t do what she wasn’t comfortable with xx
Aw Lyndsay it’s so interesting that happened after my piece. I could totally see how that would feel like a waste but hopefully if she has that teacher again she’ll know what to expect and not associate it with feeling scared/stressed. ❤️
I once asked a nursery lady how she got my son to sleep without feeding him. She laughed and was so baffled that I couldn’t do it it was so easy apparently. I think she’s had her own baby now and I wonder if she understands why I asked now lol. 😂
I know, and thank you as I had you in my mind when trying to navigate the situation. I also noticed how I momentarily seemed to be concerned that it was unfair on the other girls for me to be there and worried about the fact that I wasn’t really supposed to be there…but then quickly realised it was my girl that needed me and I would do what she needed rather than worrying about everyone else…!
And yes…still totally don’t understand it. Apparently my son just lies down and goes to sleep, I am yet to understand how this is possible xx
Such a beautiful way of honouring you both in this moment. It’s such a lot for us all, and I have only just made a few friends through pre school since knowing the parents of children who are going to the same school as S. I think there is a lot to hold for ourselves and them and in my experience my expectations are rarely met. Sending hugs xx
Thank you Lauren. That’s it maybe my expectations are too much, or are better suited to other people and times. I probably expect too much of myself and others. It’s appreciating that it is a lot though like you say and being okay with it not being as you thought. 🙌🏻❤️
I think there's so much pressure on the kids when they are young to perform at school shows like this, don't get me wrong, it's great if they enjoy it - my eldest loves being front and centre stage, but my middle child he says he has stage fright and gets really upset. Totally understandable because I was the same, the opposite of my eldest's exuberant personality!! I've noticed that the kids do 'show and tell' a lot, especially in infants and I think this is to help their confidence grow x
Aw thank you Jenna I so agree with you some kids are just not like that. (Me neither lol)
I worry because my son is only in nursery the two days so I guess he’s not getting all that same prep as the others however, I think you can still be confident and not be the stage type, which I think he can be in other situations. I wonder if he’ll be the same as time goes on. 🤷🏼♀️
You are so right, confidence comes in many different ways and it's lovely to see how that develops as they grow too. How are you feeling about your eldest starting school? It seems to come around so quickly doesn't it. X
I am excited for it and I think he is too! We have had a couple of half hour inductions, which he enjoyed and they mostly play in the first year from what I have seen so hoping it won’t be too much different to preschool, it’s just the going in everyday thing- that will be new and my youngest will be starting nursery full time (in 1 day at the moment!) so tbh i’m most anxious about that side of it.
That's great you are both excited for it, and that the inductions have gone well too. It's a bit of a shock to them when they realise they have to go in everyday for sure! That's a big change for your youngest too, and for you, but it's great he already knows the nursery so it's familiar to him. It's tricky navigating these changes all at once xx
I was wondering about this just the other day! I was talking to my husband about how happy I am to see our son clearly say 'NO' when interacting with his friends. It was reassuring to see that he was clear about what he wanted to do, or not do, and when his friend suggested he try something he didn't hesitate and stepped away. I wonder how long this will last...and I really hope it WILL last, because as adults I think we are socialised out of this. We're encouraged to take part in things we don't want to all the time, and I wonder when this kicks in for the little ones? Well done to your little boy for knowing what feels good to him and what dosen't! That's wonderful. I really hope he holds on to that, and no doubt with your positive encouragement he will. Sometimes I worry that our boy will miss out on some experiences that are actually fun, because he often defaults to 'no', and he needs more time to feel comfortable in a new experience. Thing is, I know that its more of a trigger for me when he says no, because I'm a natural extrovert and he's a natural introvert. I'm trying to get that balance of supporting him in his boundaries, but also encouraging him to participate. I'm doing my best to try and notice when I'm being triggered as an extrovert mum and not push my introvert child into situations that are tough, but I also worry about him missing out. I guess it will all come in time, and for now we just focus on the child feeling safe. The feelings of 'not belonging' are also SO universal! I'm super sensitive to this too, having a child of mixed-heritage in a very predominantly white space, and I can relate to the feeling of not connecting to the other parents, which I have with my language barrier. I'm slowly exposing my boy to more social environments, and I see the challenges he has in those environments, and I am learning what it means to parent a sensitive child. I am SO often triggered! That's on me, not him, and for sure something I am working on. When I see how happy and relaxed he is once he's home, surrounded by his stuff, its a world of difference.
Thanks for sharing Kylie Ann - these moments at nursery and kindergarten are really tough spaces to navigate, and the layers of triggering is a bit insane! Our little ones are processing so much, their little nervous systems are so often on over-drive. And ours!!
Thank you Raj, you make such a good point about wanting them to participate. They may love it after all and I think this does come in time. Perhaps with ceremonies like that they are very unusual, so it’s all good exposure even if they don’t take part.
I too think that the whole introvert extrovert thing, can be triggering and I am always projecting my feelings and fears on to him , and perhaps he can pick up on them and perhaps it is more simple than that. They are just kids after all. Everything is new and sometimes the things we do like the graduation are strange and don’t make sense.
100% we get socialised out of it. That is me all over I’m always do things I don’t want to do for the sake of other’s convenience and expectation but I am noticing it better now and hopefully getting better at doing what feels right for me.
Thank you for reading x
This is great.. Good on him! 👍 and well done you for not fighting it 💙
Ahh I feel this. I have my daughter’s preschool ‘graduation’ coming up in a couple of weeks and I do find the concept bizarre! She is quite interested in it and wants to listen to the (very annoying) song on repeat but I have no idea how she will be on the day as she is quite shy at nursery/in group situations. I hope if she is not comfortable she will be as strong as your son was (and you have been) xx
Thank you Lyndsay that’s really kind of you to say. I was surprised actually once I saw the outfits that they managed to get 13 out of 15 kids in them. But nursery workers are magicians as we well know 😂
Ha so true, still baffled by how they get them all to nap (though my daughter never did once!) I took her to ballet today, her friend wasn’t there and it was a different teacher which threw her, she wouldn’t let me leave or join in at all. I thought of you and your son and instead of trying to get her to join in just sat with her at the side for the duration. It wasn’t ideal and felt like a waste but also I’m glad she didn’t do what she wasn’t comfortable with xx
Aw Lyndsay it’s so interesting that happened after my piece. I could totally see how that would feel like a waste but hopefully if she has that teacher again she’ll know what to expect and not associate it with feeling scared/stressed. ❤️
I once asked a nursery lady how she got my son to sleep without feeding him. She laughed and was so baffled that I couldn’t do it it was so easy apparently. I think she’s had her own baby now and I wonder if she understands why I asked now lol. 😂
I know, and thank you as I had you in my mind when trying to navigate the situation. I also noticed how I momentarily seemed to be concerned that it was unfair on the other girls for me to be there and worried about the fact that I wasn’t really supposed to be there…but then quickly realised it was my girl that needed me and I would do what she needed rather than worrying about everyone else…!
And yes…still totally don’t understand it. Apparently my son just lies down and goes to sleep, I am yet to understand how this is possible xx
Such a beautiful way of honouring you both in this moment. It’s such a lot for us all, and I have only just made a few friends through pre school since knowing the parents of children who are going to the same school as S. I think there is a lot to hold for ourselves and them and in my experience my expectations are rarely met. Sending hugs xx
Thank you Lauren. That’s it maybe my expectations are too much, or are better suited to other people and times. I probably expect too much of myself and others. It’s appreciating that it is a lot though like you say and being okay with it not being as you thought. 🙌🏻❤️
I think there's so much pressure on the kids when they are young to perform at school shows like this, don't get me wrong, it's great if they enjoy it - my eldest loves being front and centre stage, but my middle child he says he has stage fright and gets really upset. Totally understandable because I was the same, the opposite of my eldest's exuberant personality!! I've noticed that the kids do 'show and tell' a lot, especially in infants and I think this is to help their confidence grow x
Aw thank you Jenna I so agree with you some kids are just not like that. (Me neither lol)
I worry because my son is only in nursery the two days so I guess he’s not getting all that same prep as the others however, I think you can still be confident and not be the stage type, which I think he can be in other situations. I wonder if he’ll be the same as time goes on. 🤷🏼♀️
You are so right, confidence comes in many different ways and it's lovely to see how that develops as they grow too. How are you feeling about your eldest starting school? It seems to come around so quickly doesn't it. X
I am excited for it and I think he is too! We have had a couple of half hour inductions, which he enjoyed and they mostly play in the first year from what I have seen so hoping it won’t be too much different to preschool, it’s just the going in everyday thing- that will be new and my youngest will be starting nursery full time (in 1 day at the moment!) so tbh i’m most anxious about that side of it.
That's great you are both excited for it, and that the inductions have gone well too. It's a bit of a shock to them when they realise they have to go in everyday for sure! That's a big change for your youngest too, and for you, but it's great he already knows the nursery so it's familiar to him. It's tricky navigating these changes all at once xx