My 4 year old has never naturally taken to swimming. He hates pool environments- the noise, echoes, other kids screaming, none of it conducive to enjoying water. Then he’s nervous to go in, and we spend most of the time taking turns to sit with him out of the water. He just can’t enjoy it.
I tend to not let it worry me, as i learnt to swim quite late, growing up in London. I only learned with school, my parents never took us swimming - so i got myself around to it at some point. Perhaps that’s why i feel fairly relaxed about it.
My husband, however, grew up in Florida and was taught early on to get comfortable in water in order to be safe. Swimming was really important. Now it’s interesting to see how it weighs heavy on him that our boy isn’t taking to it. He shares some of the same feelings you talk about, and has taken on the role of trying to ‘crack it’ with trips to the pool. My boy is quite stubborn / clear with his boundaries / whichever way you want to say it, and he’s not yet had much luck.
Honestly, I can’t handle the screaming and resistance so i just don’t do it. Also, i’m hoping he’ll get more keen over time. I’m grateful my husband has taken it on as their thing to do together.
A part of me does feel sad when i see that he’s not having a good time around water. I wish he would just let himself experience how great it can be. But i guess that’s more of a me problem that him problem.
Who knows how things will evolve! But it’s probably going to continue to be a very slow burner on the swimming front for us. Maybe that’s ok.
Thank you for this Raj. I think I am sharing alot of the same feelings as your husband and it’s great to hear your point of view. My son is also very clear boundaried and while I am trying in every other sense to gentle parent- this swimming thing feels like it could break me! I think what I was exploring in this piece as well is that it’s alot about me rather than him and I did too get there eventually. We just have to be patient ❤️
I really understand your approach, and i admire how much focus you’re bringing to it. No doubt, that perseverance will pay off and i hope your boys will by-pass the experiences you had as a child. Do keep us posted will developments! I’d love to know, especially as the seasons change. We’d hoped this summer would be a significant shift, with the chance to be in outdoor lakes, as there are so many amazing ones here. We had one day on a paddle board and he was in love with the experience, and yet still managed not to get in the water fully - kind of astounding! Now summer is over, those chances are out, so we’re back to indoor pools. I’m not optimistic! But we’ll keep trying.
Ah so true. We so need more of those summer experiences too. I remember him playing at a beach he’s a different child! We didn’t go away this year (and haven’t for sometime!) and from what I hear of other’s experiences- a holiday really helps 😂
I hope we can stick with it.
Just from yesterday (I wrote this post last week) my partner is showing signs of caving; it might be we need another solution…I wonder if we might take a step back from the formal lessons and try to take him regularly ourselves. It’s the focus we need however we do it. And that’s the shift this year we never really bothered/found the time before.
Oh it really is hard! Sounds like you both need a breather from it for a bit. I’m just hoping they’ll be a moment where he’ll suddenly just decide for himself that he’s excited about it. Anything could happen! When i talk to parents with kids a couple of years older, i’m reassured that it is a possibility. Good luck!
Absolute sensory overload - agreed. That’s why I HATE it… I have to organise my whole routine and week around it and you’ll never see me spontaneously go swimming or for fun.
My heart races as it’s time to get out and as a parent I have to ignore my internal screaming to ensure the baby is dry and dressed so she doesn’t turn blue.
I hardly ever ever go swimming but when I have done I’ve never really allowed the kids much thought. Costume on, in. No hesitation. Baby on hip, straight in the water. Even if it’s cold, the body adjusts. Obviously focusing on the ‘warmer’ kids pools.
The eldest had swimming lessons but that was after I did a few (probably terrifying) dunks under the water with a smile on my face lol - she never hated me for it or remembers it negatively, she’s a little mermaid now and the youngest too.
I wouldn’t say they’re water babies or love the water, but the eldest has the abilities and survival skills. The youngest is used to it.
I also wash her hair with the shower hose and flood her little face so she learns to hold her breath and allow it. She’s not phased either.
Maybe practice that a bit more at home and get goggles for bath times.
Go in a group, with family… have the eldest kids support the younger ones. Turn it into fun. Take a ball, make games. He’ll want to get involved. X
This must be really tricky, I’m sorry! There is a little girl in my daughter’s swimming class who is exactly the same.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned all the things your son has to get used to at swimming (the noise, light, temperatures, hat etc) - swimming is such a LOT from a sensory point of view. Personally I love swimming itself but I do find the environment of a busy leisure centre overwhelming. I don’t think my daughter actually cares but I couldn’t stand it 😂 so when she started school and could no longer have her lessons during the day when it’s quiet we switched to a different swim school which is in a small school pool and much less hectic. If your son is sensitive to these things maybe that would help.
I think the other thing I would say is that until he’s used to all the sensory stimulation of a swimming pool
I just can’t see that he’s ever going to be calm and relaxed enough to actually follow instructions or learn. That’s why I think the baby lessons are actually worth it because my daughter was so used to that environment from a young age that she was really relaxed and therefore able to learn. I think if I were you I would be inclined to stop the lessons for now and instead commit to taking him swimming regularly (weekly) maybe team up with other family and friends to do it so you have extra adults with you.
Even if he doesn’t get in the pool at first it’s still familiarising him with the environment and much less pressure than a lesson where you and the teacher are getting frustrated. Plus this could be a good opportunity for your younger one to get used to the water as well if he isn’t already.
Of course all children are different with this kind of thing so who knows how much of it is what we do or how they naturally are. My daughter certainly took to it very easily but she was having lessons from 6m old (she was born in March 2021 though so Covid didn’t affect our ability to go to lessons). Good luck!
Good for you for keeping at it, it's so easy to give up sometimes. My two have both done swimming lessons since they were 3 – we're lucky enough to live by a leisure centre with very affordable options that don't require me to get into the pool. We did the baby swim class for a month or so before lockdown, too, so I can confirm for you that they were a total waste of time and money, haha.
Having sat on the sidelines for 3 years now, I've seen so many kids react the way yours is to starting swimming lessons. There's very often a new kid in my son's classes, and a lot of them are terrified for the first few weeks. A lot don't come back. The ones that do always, without fail, get into the pool eventually.
Keep going, you're doing great xx
P.S what is it with impatient swimming teachers? We've had some real bitches.
Thanks, Charlotte. I really appreciate you saying that. I think it’s easy to assume that kids will just be okay with it but not all are and actually from what I have seen so far, it’s not unusual for kids to hate it. He tells me every week I should cancel them and I tell him every week I am not giving up. Wish us luck for this morning!
My 4 year old has never naturally taken to swimming. He hates pool environments- the noise, echoes, other kids screaming, none of it conducive to enjoying water. Then he’s nervous to go in, and we spend most of the time taking turns to sit with him out of the water. He just can’t enjoy it.
I tend to not let it worry me, as i learnt to swim quite late, growing up in London. I only learned with school, my parents never took us swimming - so i got myself around to it at some point. Perhaps that’s why i feel fairly relaxed about it.
My husband, however, grew up in Florida and was taught early on to get comfortable in water in order to be safe. Swimming was really important. Now it’s interesting to see how it weighs heavy on him that our boy isn’t taking to it. He shares some of the same feelings you talk about, and has taken on the role of trying to ‘crack it’ with trips to the pool. My boy is quite stubborn / clear with his boundaries / whichever way you want to say it, and he’s not yet had much luck.
Honestly, I can’t handle the screaming and resistance so i just don’t do it. Also, i’m hoping he’ll get more keen over time. I’m grateful my husband has taken it on as their thing to do together.
A part of me does feel sad when i see that he’s not having a good time around water. I wish he would just let himself experience how great it can be. But i guess that’s more of a me problem that him problem.
Who knows how things will evolve! But it’s probably going to continue to be a very slow burner on the swimming front for us. Maybe that’s ok.
Thank you for this Raj. I think I am sharing alot of the same feelings as your husband and it’s great to hear your point of view. My son is also very clear boundaried and while I am trying in every other sense to gentle parent- this swimming thing feels like it could break me! I think what I was exploring in this piece as well is that it’s alot about me rather than him and I did too get there eventually. We just have to be patient ❤️
I really understand your approach, and i admire how much focus you’re bringing to it. No doubt, that perseverance will pay off and i hope your boys will by-pass the experiences you had as a child. Do keep us posted will developments! I’d love to know, especially as the seasons change. We’d hoped this summer would be a significant shift, with the chance to be in outdoor lakes, as there are so many amazing ones here. We had one day on a paddle board and he was in love with the experience, and yet still managed not to get in the water fully - kind of astounding! Now summer is over, those chances are out, so we’re back to indoor pools. I’m not optimistic! But we’ll keep trying.
Ah so true. We so need more of those summer experiences too. I remember him playing at a beach he’s a different child! We didn’t go away this year (and haven’t for sometime!) and from what I hear of other’s experiences- a holiday really helps 😂
I hope we can stick with it.
Just from yesterday (I wrote this post last week) my partner is showing signs of caving; it might be we need another solution…I wonder if we might take a step back from the formal lessons and try to take him regularly ourselves. It’s the focus we need however we do it. And that’s the shift this year we never really bothered/found the time before.
Gosh it’s so hard. But we will keep going!
Oh it really is hard! Sounds like you both need a breather from it for a bit. I’m just hoping they’ll be a moment where he’ll suddenly just decide for himself that he’s excited about it. Anything could happen! When i talk to parents with kids a couple of years older, i’m reassured that it is a possibility. Good luck!
Absolute sensory overload - agreed. That’s why I HATE it… I have to organise my whole routine and week around it and you’ll never see me spontaneously go swimming or for fun.
My heart races as it’s time to get out and as a parent I have to ignore my internal screaming to ensure the baby is dry and dressed so she doesn’t turn blue.
I hardly ever ever go swimming but when I have done I’ve never really allowed the kids much thought. Costume on, in. No hesitation. Baby on hip, straight in the water. Even if it’s cold, the body adjusts. Obviously focusing on the ‘warmer’ kids pools.
The eldest had swimming lessons but that was after I did a few (probably terrifying) dunks under the water with a smile on my face lol - she never hated me for it or remembers it negatively, she’s a little mermaid now and the youngest too.
I wouldn’t say they’re water babies or love the water, but the eldest has the abilities and survival skills. The youngest is used to it.
I also wash her hair with the shower hose and flood her little face so she learns to hold her breath and allow it. She’s not phased either.
Maybe practice that a bit more at home and get goggles for bath times.
Go in a group, with family… have the eldest kids support the younger ones. Turn it into fun. Take a ball, make games. He’ll want to get involved. X
This must be really tricky, I’m sorry! There is a little girl in my daughter’s swimming class who is exactly the same.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned all the things your son has to get used to at swimming (the noise, light, temperatures, hat etc) - swimming is such a LOT from a sensory point of view. Personally I love swimming itself but I do find the environment of a busy leisure centre overwhelming. I don’t think my daughter actually cares but I couldn’t stand it 😂 so when she started school and could no longer have her lessons during the day when it’s quiet we switched to a different swim school which is in a small school pool and much less hectic. If your son is sensitive to these things maybe that would help.
I think the other thing I would say is that until he’s used to all the sensory stimulation of a swimming pool
I just can’t see that he’s ever going to be calm and relaxed enough to actually follow instructions or learn. That’s why I think the baby lessons are actually worth it because my daughter was so used to that environment from a young age that she was really relaxed and therefore able to learn. I think if I were you I would be inclined to stop the lessons for now and instead commit to taking him swimming regularly (weekly) maybe team up with other family and friends to do it so you have extra adults with you.
Even if he doesn’t get in the pool at first it’s still familiarising him with the environment and much less pressure than a lesson where you and the teacher are getting frustrated. Plus this could be a good opportunity for your younger one to get used to the water as well if he isn’t already.
Of course all children are different with this kind of thing so who knows how much of it is what we do or how they naturally are. My daughter certainly took to it very easily but she was having lessons from 6m old (she was born in March 2021 though so Covid didn’t affect our ability to go to lessons). Good luck!
Good for you for keeping at it, it's so easy to give up sometimes. My two have both done swimming lessons since they were 3 – we're lucky enough to live by a leisure centre with very affordable options that don't require me to get into the pool. We did the baby swim class for a month or so before lockdown, too, so I can confirm for you that they were a total waste of time and money, haha.
Having sat on the sidelines for 3 years now, I've seen so many kids react the way yours is to starting swimming lessons. There's very often a new kid in my son's classes, and a lot of them are terrified for the first few weeks. A lot don't come back. The ones that do always, without fail, get into the pool eventually.
Keep going, you're doing great xx
P.S what is it with impatient swimming teachers? We've had some real bitches.
Thanks, Charlotte. I really appreciate you saying that. I think it’s easy to assume that kids will just be okay with it but not all are and actually from what I have seen so far, it’s not unusual for kids to hate it. He tells me every week I should cancel them and I tell him every week I am not giving up. Wish us luck for this morning!
Good luck! I'm sure it will improve soon and, if not, have you tried bribery? 😂
Of course bribery is usually my go to parenting method 😂
This swimming lark is about to get even more expensive
God speed, fellow briber