One element of parenting that I had not been prepared for is the overstimulation. The witching hour is one thing when a baby is young and they have an hour (or three) around dinner time of constant feeding - or as it is known to new mums, a living hell. Thankfully this is something they grow out of within a few months, but I have found that that time of day has always been tricky.
It’s most noticeable on busy days or after nursery when we have been out of the house and we arrive home at dinner time ravenous and of course, dinner still has to be made. There is often screaming and moaning; evidence of overtiredness and hunger from them and overstimulation from me.
It is a long day with two children, or one even, and the loud noises, running around, constantly being on edge preventing them from hurting themselves is a lot and by the end of the day I am spent. Tired in a way I never knew possible before. My muscles may ache, or they may not but the tiredness I am talking about is a mental one. Similar to a tough day at work, when you have a big project on and you are asked to stay late, except this big project has lasted years and you can’t ask the boss for a day in lieu.
The day is spent making decisions for two small people, what they should eat, what they should wear, when they should eat … so by the time dinner rolls around I don’t have the energy to think of something nice to eat. I just want pasta.
A bowl of plain pasta, with a dollop of olive spread and a generous helping of mild cheese. How dull, you might scream but for me there is comfort in the simplicity of plain pasta and crucially I don’t have to think about it, making it is muscle memory and I always have the ingredients in.
I read recently that in order to be creative, some people find it helpful to not make decisions elsewhere and I identified with this. Jami Attenburg talks about the Studio Uniform in her wonderful Substack Craft Talk. I too had a uniform for work, in that I would more or less wear the same thing everyday, wear my hair the same way and go the same route to work. Then, like now, I don’t have the headspace to make more decisions. I am at maximum capacity.
There’s something about removing all the choices from your life that can help clear that headspace for making all the choices you need when it comes to your art. I will eat the same scrambled eggs with greens for breakfast for months, and have the same turkey sandwich for lunch. Walk the same exact path through my neighborhood in the afternoon. Wear the same dress for days and days in a row. Laura Dave famously listens to only the same Bruce Springsteen song while she writes her novels.
Jami Attenburg, Craft Talk
Similarly on Twitter there was a tweet where someone was making fun of their friend, “one of the smartest engineers in the world” who apparently spent his work day creating code, yet his wardrobe is full of plain black t-shirts. Despite being clever, he can’t face the decision of what to wear every day and I can relate to that.
Perhaps it was work once upon a time but now it is my children that are exhausting my brain of all space to be creative. A simple dinner or lunch helps me to have some headspace for something else. I hope that once they have gone to bed I can muster the energy to work on something whether it is a writing project or a design project, or even read.
If I am learning anything at all from parenting two young children it is that I can’t do everything. I am only human and on those evenings, that hour just before the kids bedtime where there are tantrums and everything gets too much, I know that if I feel like I am maximum capacity - I probably am.
Creativity is also imperative to stopping me feeling overstimulated. Yes, I am giving myself more to do and putting more demands on myself but I am doing something for me and that is important for my mental health.
So dull it may be, but at the moment an easy comforting dinner and the same old clothes are making creativity possible.
What are your favourite comfort foods?
Do you have a uniform for “work” or your art?
Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Oh plain pasta with butter and cheese is literally my childhood comfort food!!! I reverted to it when I had extreme nausea in my most recent pregnancy!!
I relate a lot to this. If the dinner decision isn’t made earlier on in the day then I just feel overwhelmed to even contemplate it.
It is the biggest sensory overload to have children for sure!! I have to seriously regulate my nervous system with quiet and stillness at the end of a day with both!!! Xx
I relate so much to this. My favorite comfort food right now is peanut butter toast.