I have been a mother for a few years now and whilst I probably have recovered from the initial shock to the system and grieving that takes place as I said goodbye to life before, I am still noticing changes in myself.
The development of becoming a mother is called Matrescence. It is a transitional period your body goes through in early motherhood, like adolescence, but for mothers, with changes all over from hormones to the size of parts of your brain. I had thought it was over and I had fully transitioned into this new state but then I found myself asking a stranger on the tube where the were from the other day and I thought, well who am I?
I mention this particular event because it is quite unlike me to approach a stranger and start a conversation. It is one of the reasons I find it hard to make new friends at Mum and Baby groups, but apparently I am capable of it even if it felt like an outer body experience at the time. It is something I am trying to do more of and I find myself chatting away to strangers these days in order to form connections as it is something I feel I need more of.
It made me wonder what other huge changes had occurred in me since becoming mother, that perhaps I hadn’t appreciated fully. Here are a few:
I am more empathetic
Having children has made me more empathetic. To be honest it is hard for it not to. Seeing the world from their confused little brains when they are tiny is one way of understanding their needs. Remembering what it is like to have a tooth come through, or a headache knowing that they can’t tell you how they are feeling. Now mine are older, it is the emotional side of it that I have grown empathy for, and importantly it isn’t just empathy for my children but for adults too. In parenting our children we also parent our younger selves and in doing so we get a better understanding of some of these early childhood traumas and how they have affected who we are today. Everyone has a background story and knowing this makes me a more empathetic person.
I know how to listen to my body
Since my first pregnancy, I have been acutely aware of what my body is telling me. I would google cravings and understand what it is my body was lacking. Pregnancy puts your body through such a test that you kind of have to listen to it - take a nap when you need to, go to the toilet when you need to and eat eat eat whatever your body wants - but in becoming a mother and in putting my children first I am guilty of hearing my body telling me what it wants and then ignoring it. This is something I am working on.
I get angry easily
Mum rage is a thing. There is a lot to be angry about. There are many emotions involved in parenting young children and teaching them to manage their emotions can be triggering to say the least. Yes motherhood has made me shout more probably, or want to scream into a pillow - but in teaching my children how to manage their own emotions, I am hoping to be able to do the same myself and process all that anger a little easier.
I have a fair amount of patience
Toddlers are a great test to patience. If you want to get somewhere in a rush they can sense it and make sure they are as slow as possible - they may even throw a tantrum in for good measure. This is something we have got used to, and I think with each day my patience grows, even if it feels like I am being tested endlessly. I know my patience is limited but I am much more patient now than I was before I had children.
I get seriously overstimulated
I think I got overstimulated before motherhood, but I hadn’t really noticed it was a thing and it has definitely got worse. I would call myself an introvert and I knew that I would get “socially exhausted” by work events and large groups of people, but I didn’t know that was overstimulation. Now, it is probably so bad that I can’t ignore it and knowing what is causing it (children) and knowing what the antidote (silence) is a step closer to achieving inner peace, or at least maintaining survival.
What changes have you noticed in yourself since becoming a mother?
Have you noticed changes in your friends/siblings since they have become parents?
Do you listen to your body or ignore it like I do?
Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear from you.
Very resonant post! I don’t think Matresence ever ends to be honest because there is always a new version of ourselves to grow into thanks to the growth of our children!! And of course each child starts of the process all over again... another layer... mirror... more learnings... different lessons. It’s exhausting and amazing all in one! Xx
I noticed similar parts of myself too, especially the overstimulation. I told my daughter yesterday in her continuous string of questions while the music was playing in the car, while I’m driving... that I had to ask her to give me a break because my mind was feeling unwell... I was overstimulated!
My kids are a little older. You’ll enjoy how much more you’ll change and grow as they grow too! I’m a new woman every day!