The Magic of Christmas
From the archive: How do I share the magic of Christmas with my children when I struggle to find it myself?
As we wind down for Christmas I hope you will forgive my repost of a piece I wrote last year following a not-so-terrible Christmas in Ireland. I find this time of year overwhelming and like many mums I feel like I have an awful lot to do in the weeks leading up to it. Not surprisingly, I have struggled to find the time to write about my feelings about Christmas this year in amongst all the present and going away preparations and I feel much of this piece still rings true. As ever, please do let me know if it resonates with you in the comments, and if like me you have been having a busy time of it, I wish you too a restful Christmas.
I’ve never been a big fan of Christmas. I’m not sure why, but I have always dreaded it. As a child I found it quite stressful; the lead up and the big family get togethers, the anxiety over giving and receiving presents (my face will reveal any disappointment even if I try to hide it!) and if I’m honest I’m not sure much has changed.
I have two children now and although they are young (1 and 3) according to Instagram I should be sprinkling everything with Christmas cheer and I can literally think of nothing I would want to do less.
I’m not a complete Scrooge. It’s not all bah humbug and muttered grumblings; I can enjoy myself, but I guess I find it all a bit much. It is overwhelming on the senses; bright lights, overbearing songs, shiny colours and rich flavours. Don’t get me wrong, I love to eat a gingerbread or two, but if I could delete all Christmas music so they would stop playing it in shops for months before the big day, I probably would. I especially don’t want to spend my time (and all my money) on taking a toddler to see a middle-aged white man in a cheap red costume in exchange for a cheap plastic toy.
Perhaps I had started to find Christmas enjoyable once I was in it, but since becoming a mum, Christmas seems to be filled with additional anxieties. My stress levels are sky high; there is so much to do. Whether hosting or going away, there are weeks of planning involved and that’s just to survive the holiday itself. I start a to do list somewhere in early November and I can’t cross everything off until the first week of January. It feels like it may never end. Anything I can avoid, I will, but how long can I get away with that?
Perhaps I am being selfish and I do worry about the experience my children are having. Now they are getting older I worry the experience of Christmas should be consistent, nice enough as the last year so they aren’t disappointed but not too nice so that next year is set up to fail. But this puts pressure on me to start deciding how much of the Christmas magic I want to integrate into our family Christmas traditions when really I know the less I pile on the to do list, the less stressful the preparations will be and the easier it will be for me.
The Mums of Instagram are in their droves providing the Christmas of dreams for their children, making me feel like I haven’t done enough by not doing everything. My children may have appeared happy enough with what we did do but they can’t tell me what is missing. It is just me that knows what we didn’t do. There was no meeting Santa, or carol service, we didn’t have the matching pyjama picture in front of the tree or the immaculately wrapped large expensive gifts, we didn’t see all the family we should have seen… a list of things un-ticked sticks in my mind: that to do list again, with not much ticked off. The mum guilt rife as I doom scroll yet again.
I know it’s Instagram and not real life. We all curate a best version of ourselves and our experiences to broadcast to others, but it is added pressure on what is already a stressful occasion. There isn’t the time to do it all let alone the money but really do we have to do everything?
I’m dreading when the boys are at school and the pressure could come from themselves and their friends too. Does the Elf on the shelf not visit you? Do you not get an advent calendar? What about the present from Santa? Is that all you got?
As a child we had Christmases where we had everything we could want. Despite not having a lot of money the sacks at the end of our beds were full, but when we went in to school in January, we would always feel we missed out. There are always kids that got more or that had a better time, but I guess that’s a lesson we all have to learn.
It is important to me that my children have nice memories of Christmas, but in doing so I don’t want them to pick up on my anxieties and the stress of it all. I think this could be partly where my anxieties come from: watching my own mother struggle to keep up with expectations. I don’t want it to carry on like some inherited health issue. We can’t do everything but does that mean our Christmases will lack Christmas magic and sparkle?
Many parents would say it is their children that taught them how to open their eyes and re-appreciate Christmas and to be honest I was expecting this to happen to me. Taking children to Santa reignites the magic they saw themselves as children, but it’s not the big events that are helping me get through the season; it’s the small things.
We visited family in Ireland this year and it has been lovely to see our children interact with relatives they don’t see often. I have also found myself enjoying the moments of calm and closeness in the interactions between ourselves that may usually in a working week be affected by stress or a stricter routine. We can take it easy, listen more and importantly, play more.
One of my favourite memories for me this year will be watching my partner read to my youngest son as he sits next to him, completely engaged despite his eyes visibly heavy with tiredness. Or listening to my eldest son chat with his older cousins, as they played with a box full of cars. The stories they tell as they play may be simple, but they are full of magic to me.
What I think I have found this Christmas, in amongst all the stresses and anxieties that Christmas will always bring, is that perhaps less is more. It is the small moments I will hold on to and I hope the same is true for my children. And I hope you will join me in refusing to feel guilty for avoiding that visit to Santa for one more year.
Is there any part of Christmas you dread? Do you find it hard to keep up with the Insta-mums?
Have you too refused to do all the big Christmas activities?
What tiny moments of magic do you want to remember from this Christmas?
Let me know in the comments, I would love to hear your stories.
Great line: 'The Mums of Instagram are in their droves providing the Christmas of dreams for their children, making me feel like I haven’t done enough by not doing everything.'
I dread the overwhelm of all the STUFF - I feel our kids have so much already and it's a big debate in our house about what we keep and what we can part ways with. My husband is immaculately organized and so his belief is that it's okay if we keep it all organized. Our kids are 7, 4, and 1 - they are not up to that level of organization and then I worry we are putting this expectation on them. At the same time, I don't want to have "lack mentality" or instill "lack mentality" in my kids. This is why I like Thanksgiving - no gifts, delicious food and I can break down the turkey and make stock and soup. And RE: Christmas music - Charlie Brown's Christmas Soundtrack is my go-to. It's primarily instrumental and it's lovely. Great piece, @Kylie-Ann, thank you for putting it out in the world!