After my post at the end of last year in which I asked the question: Am I Allowed to Leave Instagram? I put the apps for both Instagram and Facebook into a folder on my phone and tried very hard not to access them. I banned myself for 30 days and here is what I learned.
The feeling of emptiness didn’t go away
Without Instagram and Facebook I found myself refreshing alternative apps. I started seeking the dopamine hit of the orange dot of a notification on Substack, or of having a new email to reply to or a Linked-In message. I was still reaching for my phone in times of boredom and I was often still leaving feeling rubbish. The familiar feeling of not being good enough or busy enough resurfaced.
I still compare myself to others
I blame Instagram and Facebook for the comparison trap. That feeling that I am not as talented or as successful as everyone else. Without those apps, I took that feeling to Substack instead, or Linked-In, where I was confronted with the same issues, although perhaps less intensely. The issue of course is that I am comparing what I know to be my biggest failings, my failure to work more (without sufficient childcare), and my insecurities of not being the best at writing or design, to what are other people’s “best of’s”. This feeling of comparison doesn’t go anywhere when you leave Instagram or Facebook, you just take it with you. It is the insecurities I need to tackle.
It didn’t make me a more attentive mum
I had a hope that by quitting social media I would have my phone in my hand a lot less, which in turn would make me a more attentive mother. This was true while we were in Dublin visiting family. I would leave my phone somewhere and not think about it again until the evening; I was kept busy. But when we arrived back home, back to our usual routine, I found my phone was frequently in my hand again; I was bored. I tried to go analogue and read books or magazines instead of Substack articles on my phone, thinking the phone in my hand was causing my children to exhibit more challenging behaviours, but the fact that my attention was elsewhere meant it had the same affect. I refuse to blame myself for this as I think it is unrealistic to focus my attention on them the entire day (it’s a long day!) and I don’t think they should grow to expect that, but Instagram isn’t at fault here.
I miss my friends
Without access to Instagram and Facebook, I have been out of touch with many people, which at this point in my life feels detrimental as I already feel quite isolated. I think perhaps this wouldn’t be the case if I was working in an office or was able to meet friends in the evenings, but I realise I don’t actually know what’s been happening in anyone’s life and equally people won’t know what has been happening in mine. It has meant I have messaged friends to keep in touch, but I haven’t kept in touch with everyone I would want to and I miss them. Perhaps this is a good thing, because it means I am conscious then of wanting to keep in touch rather than assuming that the need has been met passively on Instagram. I just need to get better at actually doing it.
It has been hard to avoid social media completely
It is probably incorrect of me to actually say I had 30 days straight without any social media, as I actually found it quite hard to avoid. It was easy enough not going on it intentionally. With the apps in another folder on my phone, the itchiness of my hand wanting to get the phone out did pass easily enough after a few days. The habit was broken as such, if not replaced by another app, but I found myself being taken to Instagram via links people would send a few times. Although, with the lack of daily scrolling, I was more conscious of the fact that I was there, what I was actually looking at and I was able to resist scrolling more easily.
I have had more time
An obvious learning is that without the daily scrolling where I unintentionally waste vast amounts of time watching videos and looking at images I didn’t actually mean to look at, I had much more time. In fact, I have been able to squeeze in some reading this month, which I often find hard to do. I’m not sure if this is a sign my attention span is expanding again or if it is just the fact that I don’t get sucked down the rabbit hole, reading definitely seems like a more productive use of my time.
My mental health has improved
In tandem with not using Instagram and Facebook I have taken up journalling, which in turn has seen an improvement to my mental health. I try to scribble something down either at the end of the day or when the boys are eating their morning snack. I know I am drawn to social media when I feel low, when I am feeling disconnected or lonely. Instead of trying to avoid these feelings and distracting myself from them, I am trying to sit with them. I find even ten minutes a day or every other day of just scribbling down thoughts has been really helpful to lighten the load in my head and in turn eased anxieties. This week has been tough with the kids, but I think having offloaded a lot of those feelings I think I have been able to deal with it a bit better than I would have. (Still not perfectly, but hey.)
It’s okay to be bored
My need to pick up my phone and scroll is a response to not knowing how to be bored. I used to know how to be bored. I used to know how to entertain myself without a phone when I was a child, in the olden days before mobile phones existed. When we were at some grand-auntie’s house in the middle of no where, where they didn’t have any toys or stuck in the car in the rain while our parents were in the shops, we managed to survive. When I was a kid I would not leave the house without a bag of stuff: pens, notebooks and a book to read. I didn’t want to be bored. I wouldn’t allow myself to be. I think I crave stimulation all the time. I am realising though that it’s okay to be bored, I just need to learn how.
I crave visual stimulation
I am a visual person and I often surround myself with pictures of pretty things; illustrations, paintings, photography and in giving up Instagram, in particular, I have noticed the absence of this. In fact I have felt more pulled towards magazines to replace this or other social media such as Linked-In, or Pinterest. This could be a sign that I may need to be in touch with the design world somehow, for inspiration and motivation. Instagram is a great resource, I just need to use it more wisely. It is also not the only resource and I would do well to remember that.
I have more self-awareness
Having had time away, I did open my phone on the 31st day and had a little scroll and I noticed almost immediately that I was sucked in. I scrolled and scrolled. I lost track of time, time that I could have used for something else. I didn’t create anything so essentially there wasn’t anything in it for me and I was conscious every moment I felt less than, that I felt I had failed and I compared myself. I know this hasn’t gone away completely as I have taken this feeling to other platforms but Instagram exacerbates it - it feels worse on there somehow. I have three accounts and so I end up feeling less than from three angles: my personal life, design work and writing. I can’t be super amazing at all of those things. I wonder then, if I need to simplify my Instagram life and limit myself to one account.
So do I need Instagram for work?
I need Instagram for my design business. Despite how it makes me feel, I think it still will be useful and have no plans to delete my account. I do need to promote my business and I think Instagram is a good place to do that. I think my potential clients are partially on there or at least, they would expect to find me on there.
I also think that I do need to have a presence on a platform I claim to be able to design for. I have to have some knowledge of how it works and with it changing so frequently, I have to be there to keep up to date.
It is also an easy and quick way of updating my portfolio and keeping in touch and supporting my existing clients. As I explained in my last post, Instagram is like my shop - it is the flagship store of my business.
It doesn’t mean though, that I need to be on there all the time, and I certainly don’t need to try to be an influencer in my efforts. I have to be intentional with my posts and engagement with no more mindless scrolling - if I can help it.
As I mentioned in my previous post, there are things outside social media that I could be doing as well, including targeted marketing/communications, Linked-In, Pinterest and forming business to business relationships through networking. I have realised too in using Substack for my writing, how important it is to grow a mailing list, where I can share updates on my work and my branding knowledge.
For my design business it makes sense to stay, for now.
So how can I make social media work for me?
I had so many comments and suggestions on my last post (thank you!) that I feel confident that I can use Instagram (and Facebook) more intentionally, in a way that will hopefully avoid too much doom-scrolling. Here is my plan:
I will use Instagram and Facebook as billboards for my business, shop-fronts, where I can sign post to where I can other wise be found. I don’t need to post too regularly, as I am not worried about pleasing the algorithm, or hugely increasing followers, but I should use it to keep my portfolio and contact details up to date. I know social media/self-promotion experts
and both recommend utilising the grid posts as a sign post or a billboard. That way you can be found on Instagram, but you don’t need to hang out there too often.I will resist scrolling and I am hoping to limit my use to just two accounts rather than three. (I want to keep in touch with my friends on my personal account). On any account I have, I need to curate my feed so that it feeds me with inspiration and motivation by unfollowing anything that drains me.
I will try to use my laptop for posting onto social media rather than my phone. This might not always be possible due to my need to post sometimes when I am with the kids, but it was suggested by many people that the desktop version is easier to resist scrolling through, so I think this is worth a try. I could otherwise use a timer on my phone to limit my use or schedule my posts in advance.
I need to post intentionally with the aim to make connections and not sales. I think changing my mentality on this will make it feel less of a failing endeavour.
I aim to curate an email list via Substack, which I can use as another way to keep in touch with people who may be interested in what I do. I sent my first newsletter out last week and creating that content felt much more enjoyable and fitting for me than creating content for Instagram.
So whilst I feel I need to stay on Instagram for my design business, I feel less daunted now about the meaning of that going forward. I believe I can be on there more intentionally, in a way that won’t negatively affect my mental health and that I am able to showcase what I do and forge connections on social media, without letting it control me and affect my mood. (I am going to give it a try, at least.)
I have also learned from this break that part of my addiction, and the bad feeling I get after being on social media is down to things beyond Instagram. It is my mind that distorts what I see and the urge to compare myself to others and therefore feel lesser comes from somewhere deeper. This is something I need to work on, and I don’t think leaving Instagram is the solution for me.
If this post resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts. Please do join me in the comments.
How does using social media make you feel?
Have you had any time away from social media, how did you feel after?
Has leaving social media affected your business/work?
Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed Distracted please do share this post with a friend.
So interesting to read as I’ve been on a similar journey. I’ve been away from instagram for two months. I feel so free without the pressure to post and don’t miss the scrolling waste of time. I relate to much of what you’ve shared here. I have replaced it with substack but am finding what I’m reading here so much more fulfilling. And I’m excited to build something here. I’ve just done a few signposting posts. I do wonder how I’ll build business without it but I’m very keen on connecting with people local to me and I’m not sure instagram brought me that much business anyway!!
I start the new year off every year with an extended break from social. Each time I recognize how much of a time and attention thief it is yet I find myself right back on it after my break period is over. I resonate heavily with so much of this piece and am still trying to find the happy medium between completely doing away with social media and spending hours transitioning between apps.